Looking Ahead
by take a break
Summary: Bella's life takes a turn for the worst; between a fight with Edward, losing her parents and changing into a vampire. When she sees her old friends again her life will take yet another turn. Human and Vampire. E
1. Chapter 1

hey guys,  
The inspiration for this story came from mrz.edwardanthonymasencullen, thanks so much girlie. You rock my socks. I hope you like it. Thanks Kristy for putting in a zillion semi colons.  
Please let me know what you think of it.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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The room was shrouded by silence, Edward and I had been studying non-stop for weeks in preparation for the finals. Junior year was almost over and the class had been more than excited to get this last exam over and done with.

Hmm Edward, maybe school is getting to him; he's been acting so short with me lately, one word retorts and snappy replies. There was no more playfulness to his demeanour anymore, he doesn't joke and laugh with me anymore. Maybe I need to talk to Rose and Alice about this.

A bell sounded at the front of the room to signal pens down, whilst everyone else was still furiously scratching away at their papers. I placed my pen on the desk and stood to submit my paper before walking into the hallway. It was empty, save for the few students that had finished their exams along with me.

Freedom! My last exam for the semester was over. The upcoming holiday was almost guaranteed to be one of the best. The Masens had invited me to their cabin for the first two weeks of the summer. Alice, Rose and unfortunately for me, Emmett had literally jumped on me after finding out that I would be joining them. Why they showed their excitement by inflicting physical pain was beyond me, but it made them happy. Jasper was excited, probably because I would be able to drag his girlfriend away when she got out of control. Edward may as well have broken a rib; he hugged me that hard that day.

I jumped into my truck and headed home, Mum and Dad had said their goodbyes two days ago as they left for London. Renee and Charlie had planned their 'second honeymoon' shortly after finding out that I would be spending the first two weeks of the holidays with the Masens. I guess it felt less like they were abandoning me since I had plans to go away myself.

As I drove home there was nothing that could taint my happiness, school was done with for the term and I was leaving tomorrow to go to a cabin with my best friends in less than 24 hours.

I was about to turn onto my street when I changed my mind and continued on to Edward's. He had finished his finals yesterday as had Alice so they should have been home, unless Alice had dragged Edward out on one of her many spontaneous bonding expedition. Last time she had been unleashed on me I was taken hostage and forced into her car before being taken sky-diving.

People like me shouldn't participate in extreme sports, it took Alice over an hour to get me into the plane and when I landed I ended up breaking a leg and the pinky on my left hand. Emmett's brilliant response when I had come home bearing my war wounds was to laugh and say, "It ain't so pink anymore."

My thoughts continued along the same line until I arrived at the Masen household. It was a huge red brick house with white and green shutters covering the windows and three cars squeezed into the drive. Ed's Bentley, Edward's Volvo and Alice's Porsche.

Smiling to myself I walked to the door and rang the bell. Mummy Liz came to the door and raised her eyebrows at me. She had a shining air to her; with long bronze hair and brilliantly green eyes that made her look like she belonged on film.

"Bella how many times have I told you to let yourself in. We got you your own key for goodness' sakes."

"Force of habit, who knows what I would be walking in on. It's probably safer to make my preference known."

"That's only necessary when entering Rosalie and Emmett's room dear." How she could talk so freely about the sex life of her adopted children was beyond me.

Elizabeth and Edward Snr had always wanted a large family, sadly after Edward, Elizabeth was no longer able to conceive, so instead they took in foster children.

Emmett had come first; he had been ten years old when I met him. Edward had practically sprinted to my house to tell me of the disturbing boy that had tried to tackle him before even introducing himself. He was extremely tall for his age and I was immediately glad it wasn't me he had tackled because I would have been a blob of Bella ground into the earth. However as soon as he smiled his hazel eyes lit and the dimples in his cheeks made you want to pinch his cheeks and hug him. It took only four months before Emmett was given clearance to return home. After Emmett had run back to the Masen's for the fifth time the McCarty's had given him up for adoption.

Jasper and Rose had come next, their parents, Joseph Whitlock and Marjorie Hale, had gone to school with Ed and Charlie. For this reason they had practically grown up with Edward and I. After Marjorie left and Joseph had died of cancer, Rose and Jasper had refused to speak with anyone other than Elizabeth, so the adoption of these two was only natural. Both had blonde hair and blue eyes standing much taller than I did. Their beauty intimidated me, but underneath their beauty they were some of the kindest people you would ever meet.

Alice on the other hand had not been adopted until last year. She had shown up at the hospital that Liz worked in, with severe injuries although Liz was immediately drawn in by her bright personality and spirit. Her short black hair had annoyed her to no end in the hospital when she wasn't able to style it properly and the wardrobe she was subjected to had left her in a huff for days. Alice had been in a car accident that had proven to be fatal for both of her parents. Alice had quickly hit it off with the family, taking an instant liking to Jasper. At first she had refused to so much as glance at Edward after claiming he was a conceited arse that was peering into her soul. It had taken Jasper and I locking them in a room together for three hours to get them to speak.

Elizabeth and Ed had built up a close relationship with all of their children, yet I still couldn't understand how she would want to know about the sex life of her children, let alone make jokes about it.

"I need a blindfold and earplugs for their room after the first time." I joked hoping she would change the subject. It was true after the first time I walked in on them I yell up the stairs to make my arrival known. Edward just shakes his head every time I do it and drags me up the stairs behind him.

"Eddie's upstairs, Ali went to the mall with Jasper just before you arrived sweetheart." Liz said as she led me down the hall. "Just call me if you need anything."

"Thanks Mum." Edward and I had begun calling the other's parents Mum or Dad around elementary school, when I had accidentally said it too Ed when asking when dinner would be ready.

I walked up the stairs, past the hundreds of photographs that Liz had hung in the stairwell. I turned left at the top of the stairs and stopped in front of the only blue door on the landing. Knocking lightly I opened the door to see Edward lying on his bed with his earphones in. I guess that's why he didn't hear the doorbell.

He looked up at me and I had gotten caught by his beautiful green eyes, they were glistening slightly in the light. His bronze hair was tousled slightly and his body was well defined in a brown shirt and jeans.

"Hey Eddie."

"Isabella." His greeting was short, but he was hoping to annoy me by using my full name.

"At least that's my name _Eddie_." His eyes flashed and I took a step back slightly. When he saw this he gave me a small smile and patted the bed beside him.

I went to sit down and felt him put an arm around my shoulders, "How was your final exam?"

"Slow, agonising, boring, tedious, they all seem like fitting descriptions." He chuckled slightly and sighed before getting off the bed and sitting awkwardly in a chair at his desk.

A silence followed at this point and I felt uncomfortable, it hadn't been a natural silence instead it felt like something was looming over our heads. Some unspoken message or a new feeling had risen up.

The rest of the afternoon was spent exchanging small pleasantries and awkward conversation, until Alice burst into Edward's bedroom. "Bella, just the girl I need." She grabbed my hand and dragged me from the room before another word could be said. She dragged me over to her bedroom and sat me down in her makeover chair.

"Where are you making me go this time Ali?"

"Bella, shame on you. Have you already forgotten about the end of year party at Newton's?"

"Unfortunately no."

"Good, now lets get you ready," she said as she pulled out a beautiful dress, it was mostly black, with gold and white woven into the top and a bubble skirt that held a person's legs at the bottom.

"It looks great Ali, Jasper won't be able to keep his hands to himself."

"I'm glad you think so, because it's not for me, it's your party dress." I looked horrified, the dress would look great on Alice, but how could she expect me to pull it off.

After a long argument, with Alice insisting that if I don't wear the dress she was offering me, I would be going starkers I was sitting in the chair with brushes tugging at the tangles in my hair, powder being puffed onto my face and makeup now highlighting features that before had been close to ordinary.

When my torture had ended Alice sent me downstairs to get some food while she got ready. I stepped into the kitchen and saw Liz singing to herself. When she turned and saw me she stopped abruptly and looked at me sheepishly, "Bella you look absolutely magnificent."

I blushed, why do people say things like that to me? Was there something that they saw and I didn't?

"Thank Alice, she's the one that tortured me into looking like this."

"Well she did a marvellous job dear. Who knew you had legs like that?" It was the aim for this family to embarrass me as much as possible wasn't it? I knew theyj keep me around for a reason.

I heard footsteps stop behind me, "Bella?" I heard Edward choke as he took another step forward. I turned around, he looked so handsome wearing a simple black button down and a pair of jeans. His mouth was left hanging open giving me a slight feeling of self-satisfaction.

"Oh hey Edward," I said grabbing two plates off the bench and bringing them up to Alice.

By the time I got upstairs Alice had everything finished except for her hair, "Why is it that I have to sit there for hours while you play Barbie doll, and you can be finished in five minutes?"

She just shrugged and turned to the mirror trying to mess her hair in her classic out of control look.

It was 8:30 before she let us leave the house apparently it was unacceptable to arrive at a party only an hour after it had started. When we pulled up to Mike's we could hear the music thumping from outside. The door was left open and we walked in to see the lights out with lamps scattered around the room. People were grinding up against each other and drinking, and the living room was cleared to make way for a dance floor. We stood in the doorway before Mike and Jessica bounced over to greet us, Jessica looked like she was falling over her feet and Mike looked like he had hit the jackpot when she put an arm around his waist. He turned to look at us and I saw his eyes rake over my body, the look made me feel uncomfortable.

We were invited to get a drink and make ourselves at home as we went further into the house I decided that this was definitely a bad idea, but I couldn't very well leave without everyone else. Time seemed to drag on and on, I walked around the house talking to people from my class, most of whom would never have spoken to me in their sober state.

I ended up walking around to the back porch to find Lauren trying desperately to flirt with Edward, he looked like someone had hit him over the head from something she had whispered in his ear. I walked up to him and put my arms around his shoulders.

"There you are Edward," I kissed him on the cheek. "I've been looking for you everywhere. Oh hi Lauren." I chucked her a smug grin hoping I could pull off the looked and turned to see Edward glaring at me his face looking livid. "You don't mind if I steal him, do you? Thanks." I didn't wait for an answer and dragged Edward off.

He stopped me in the middle of the backyard, "What the hell was that?" he half yelled at me.

"I was saving you? You're welcome, by the way."

"What if I didn't want to be 'saved'?" Where did this reaction come from?

"Well from the look on your face you weren't exactly enjoying talking to her." Jeez, why is he acting like such a jack-arse?

"That's not your decision to make now is it?"

"So you wanted to hook up with her then?"

"Maybe."

"Edward, what's wrong with you?" I reached out to touch his arm, but he jerked away.

"Don't Bella." His tone was icy cold, what was going on here?

"Okay, you've been like this for a week, what's up with you?" Besides the obvious I thought, instantly feeling bad for even thinking that.

"Like you don't know? Your acting a little hypocritical don't you think?"

"Hypocritical? Edward what are you talking about? Stop acting like a thirteen year old and tell me what's wrong with you." The entire time I have known Edward I have never seen him act like this.

"Takes one to know one." Okay now he's just being annoying.

"Edward seriously…"

"Don't seriously me, I haven't done anything to you."

"What could I possibly have done to you?"

"Just leave me alone Bella," Oh no, he wasn't getting away with this that easily.

"Seriously, tell me what's wrong, stop just standing there acting like a jerk!"

"Shut up!! I don't want to hear whatever crap you have to say. What's wrong Edward? How can I help you so that I can feel better about myself Edward? I'm not your freaking charity case! I don't want you here, just run back home and stop bothering me okay? Just go. Man, sometimes I wish we never met each other in the first place." Okay ouch. My eyes were stinging but I refused to let myself cry at this moment.

"Stop acting like such an arse! I haven't done anything to you. All I did was ask what was wrong; did you ever stop to think it was because I was concerned? Or maybe because your happiness actually mattered to me? For who knows what reason. No. Instead you treat me like a traitor without any justification, so you know what I'm done. Goodbye Edward." My farewell came out as a snarl and I turned on my heel and walked out to my truck.

I sat in the driver's seat processing everything Edward had said, his face held a look of anger and loathing. When he had opened his mouth to say something I had wanted to shy away from the daggers that were being thrown at me one by one. _Don't cry Bella, don't cry Bella_, I was chanting to myself as I drove home.

Within 10 minutes I walked through the door and stopped in the hallway throwing down my bag and falling to my knees letting the tears roll freely from my eyes. My body was shaking with my sobs as I sat on the ground letting the events of the night overtake me.

I lost sense of time, when I had stopped crying I found that over two hours had passed, the cold was entering the house through the still open door behind me and the contents of my bag scattered the entry floor. I made my way to my bedroom and checked my mobile. I had missed 28 calls and 17 messages, I quickly scrolled through ignoring any messages from Edward and turned my mobile off.

What had I done to deserve this? Edward and I were the best of friends, in all my years I can't remember us having a serious fight.

My room was covered in pictures of the two of us and I pulled each of them down placing them face down on my desk. In each of them we were laughing and hugging. Lies, all lies. Edward didn't even want to know me anymore, he may as well have come out and said he had wasted most of his life on our friendship.

The house phone rang and I stood to make my way down the stairs and to the machine in the corner of the living room, Alice's voice filled the house.

"Bella? Are you there? Come on Babe talk to me. I've left a dozen messages on you cell. Everyone is worried about you. Bella?… Please answer the phone; you can't hate us all just because Edward's an idiot… Okay fine, I'll call you again soon then. We love you Bells."

I'm sure there was at least one person there that wasn't at all worried about me; I saw another message on the machine and hit play. Alice had probably called earlier and I hadn't noticed.

"Hey Jingle Bells." A distinctly familiar male voice came through the speaker. "It was great seeing you again last week cuz. Gran made a huge stink when I got back to Phoenix, she said she's glad _you_ always visited before this. I don't think she could handle me flying across the country again. Psh anyway I never did meet your 'best friend', Eddie boy. I'm still so cut about that by the way, I have had to put up with you for two weeks a year since we were born when you come down here, why haven't I earned the title. Anyway, maybe next time huh? Too bad you're not coming down this year. Talk soon."

The message had made me smile; Jacob lived in Phoenix with his father and grandmother. My aunt Evelyn had died giving birth to Jacob, and every summer since I had gone to Phoenix and spent two weeks with Jacob. This year I was meant to go to the cabin with the Masens, just another thing to be sad about I guess. Instead Jacob had come up last week to surprise me, but with my exams and everything else going on it was hard to make time for him, but we managed until he left on Wednesday evening.

Just the thought of Jacob cheered you up; this was one part of my life that hadn't been touched by Edward. I was more than ready to wallow in my own self-pity when the phone rang again.

"Bella can you pick up please?" And I did… before slamming the phone back on the hook. Why would Edward even think it would be okay to call me at the moment? I felt the tears stinging in my eyes again, so I disconnected the phone and went up to bed. I chucked another blanket on the bed before climbing in. the emotions running through me gave me a chill as I looked at the ceiling. The tighter I pulled the blanket around me, the more protected I felt. When we were small Edward had always told me that if there were ghosts in m your room, they couldn't touch you if the blanket covered you. Now pulling the blanket around me had become an instinct to protect myself, an action that ultimately reminded me of him.

I don't think I slept, then again I don't remember the entire night either.

Silence. The whole house was filled with an eerie, unrelenting silence. Before I welcomed the silent moments in my life, between Renee and Alice I rarely had any of these moments. The quiet used to be comforting, but now it mocked me. I was alone, there was not a bird chirping, no traffic moved on the road outside and the usual creaks the house made had ceased.

It's as if with Edward taken away from me, everything else went along with him. My best friends could hardly abandon their own brother, not that I would ask them to.

I went over to the cupboard hoping that Charlie still had money left in there for groceries even though no one was meant to be at home this week. I opened the old cookie tin and saw enough money for about a month's groceries. I took out about a hundred dollars and put it in my wallet before driving to the store.

On the drive back to the house I felt slightly better about the day. There was something calming about shopping, a feeling of usefulness, that calmed me. Pulling onto my street I saw Alice's Porsche in my driveway, deciding against turning the truck around I pulled in next to her and cut the engine.

"Please don't start Alice." I said walking straight to the door and unlocking it. When I turned back to the truck Alice had already grabbed the groceries. She pushed past me into the house leaving me to get the last of the bags. I walked in the kitchen to find her sitting at the island in the centre.

"So apparently one of my supposed 'best friends' decides that she will ignore my 26 phone calls and 10 text messages just because her adopted brother acted like an arse." Her eyes held a look of disappointment, which filled me entirely with guilt.

"I'm so sorry Alice." I meant it too, I never meant to hurt Ali; I was just so caught up in what had happened.

"So you should be, Mum and Dad have been worried sick that their 'daughter' wasn't picking up the phone. Emmett and Rose got into a huge argument because she wouldn't let him beat up Edward and Jasper has been trying to escape the negative feelings in the house, he climbed on the roof just to get out of there. How was this supposed to get any better if you didn't pick up your phone and talk to me?"

"It won't get any better at the moment Alice."

"What do you mean it won't? You two will work everything out, it will be fine."

"Maybe, but I'm not going to deal with all of this for the moment."

"When then?"

"I don't know."

"Well deicide soon, we want our Bella back," She stood up to hug me. "I know he probably acted like a major arse, but he loves you Bella, we all do. He wants you back; he's just too stubborn to admit he was wrong. Everything will work out."

You could always depend on Alice to be there for you, no matter the circumstance. I started crying again and looked around the kitchen hoping to find something that would swallow me up. I wish I could be mad, or even better feel indifference, but I felt like I had lost half of myself.

After we had put the groceries away, Alice explained that they had put off their trip for a few days. Obviously Liz and Ed expected everything to blow over soon enough.

"Let's have a sleepover Bella, we can eat enormous amounts of junk food, watch girly movies and paint our nails." I raised my eyebrows at her. "Okay, I won't paint your nails."

Instead of letting me answer she sat on our old leather couch and turned on the television. We didn't say much to begin with, opting instead to just watch the first thing that came on. This just happened to be The Little Mermaid. Had anyone walked through the front door at this time, they probably would have thought we were odd, but it was fun.

After the movie had ended Alice turned to me and smiled, "So when are you going to tell Edward how you feel?"

"Uh never… especially not after last night." Alice was the only one that knew how I felt about Edward. For years we had been the best of friends, but after we turned 15 I had realised all the girls at school had begun to notice Edward, notice him, flirt with him, what's the difference. He never flirted back but that never stopped the jealousy I felt.

As soon as Alice had seen us together she pulled me aside and demanded I tell her what was going on between us, she had physically restrained me until I told her everything I felt for Edward. In part this was why I was so upset by the argument I'd had with Edward yesterday. We were never together, but it made me sad that I might have lost my chance to tell him.

I pushed the thought aside forcing myself to smile for Alice. While she muttered something about retail therapy and I walked into the kitchen to begin making dinner. The phone rang whilst I was making the pasta sauce. When did Alice reconnect the phone?

"Do you want me to get that?" Alice said obviously distracted by something else.

I didn't even pick up the phone when she called, why would I pick it up now? "Just let the machine pick it up."

The answering machine clicked over and I heard Carlisle's usually serene voice fill the room, but tonight his voice sounded slightly hoarse.

"Bella, Esme and I received some news today, we would appreciate if we could come over to discuss some things with you…"

"Alice can you get that?" I heard Alice get up and cut off Carlisle's message.

"Hello?"… "Oh no this is Alice."… "Really she did?"… "Sure I'll get her for you." She walked into the kitchen and held out the phone, "It's Carlisle."

"Oh really?" I said sarcastically. She placed the phone between my ear and my shoulder before walking form the room. "Hey Carlisle."

"Bella it's wonderful to speak with you dear, how are you?"

"Um I'm fine. How are you?" I was lying, but Carlisle didn't need to worry about me.

"Are you free this evening?" He didn't answer me, interesting.

"Uh yeah come on over."

"Thankyou Bella, Esme and I will be there shortly."

I made enough dinner for Carlisle and Esme and waited in the living room for Carlisle and Esme to arrive.

"Liz and Ed always mention Carlisle and Esme."

"I'm sure they would Liz, Ed, Carlisle, Esme and my Mum and Dad have been friends for years. Didn't they meet when they moved here three years ago?"

"Sounds about right."

We continued to talk for another 10 minutes until the doorbell rang. I ran to the door and hugged the first person I came in contact with on the other side. Usually when I hugged Carlisle and Esme they seemed cooler somehow and their embraces were strong enveloping hugs, Esme's being more delicate than Carlisle's. I looked up to Carlisle's usually smiling face to see him smiling down at me sadly.

"Carlisle are you okay?" he didn't answer and I turned to Esme who had the same look on her face. "What's wrong?"

"Maybe we should go inside Bella." What's going on? I had never seen Carlisle and Esme act this serious.

"How did you know I was here? We were meant to be going to the cabins remember?"

"I called Liz and Ed, they said we'd catch you here." Carlisle seemed more than uninterested in this choice of topic.

"Please Carlisle is something wrong?"

He took a deep breath, his eyes looking pained. He put on his doctor's voice and began, "I'm sorry Bella… There was an accident in London…"

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That's the first chapter, the second one is finished and will be posted soon.  
Let me know how you like it.

Kat -xxx-


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys,  
I hope that everything has been good.  
A couple of people were a bit confused as to Edward's motives, so that is my reasoning for adding a short EPOV section into this chapter.  
I hope that you like what I have written for this one, let me know if you have any opinions.  
Kat

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**EPOV**

Great I had scared her away; how could I have acted like such a jerk? Bella was only trying to help when she saved me from Lauren and to be perfectly honest I was thankful that she had. But instead of showing her that, I snapped and said horrible things to her; knowing her she would take them all to heart. I had driven away my best friend all because of some random guy she had been with.

I walked over to my sound system and placed a new CD into the player; the room was dark so I had no idea what I had selected, not that it mattered. Upon arriving home I had refused to use and lights and refused to open the curtains in order to keep out any moonlight that may have been present. The carpet under my feet was soft as I shuffled back to my bed; I had finally realised why black and brown worked so well in here, it was for the times that I felt like this. Through the dark I could still see small mementos that reminded me of my Bella, pillows that she had left, because apparently mine were too lumpy. There were photo frames Bella had put on my otherwise empty computer desk and other belongings that were scattered around the room after she had left them here on her many visits.

Shaking my head I made my way to sit on the end of my bed, before falling back and closing my eyes. How had I let it get this far, sure when I had seen her with that guy I was mad; they were joking and laughing like they were old friends, had I missed something? Was Bella dating all of a sudden? I picked up my phone and paced the room dialling Bella's number as I had countless times tonight. Voicemail again.

"Bella? Can you pick up please?" I paused hoping she finally would. Suddenly I heard the sound of the phone picking up. _Yes! _Maybe she would talk to me after all.

"Bella?" I said excitedly only to here the sound of the phone crashing back down on the hook. Okay so she was still mad; how am I supposed to apologise if she won't even talk to me? Surely she knows I couldn't have meant what I said.

I laid back down on my bed tired, staying up until obscene hours of the morning does that to a guy and I managed to fall asleep within minutes.

The next day was a blur, I spent the day with my CDs and books in my room until someone knocked at the door.

"Edward can I come in?"

"Yes Mum." Even to me the answer sounded forced.

"What's wrong sweetie? You've been up here all morning."

"Nothing."

"Nothing wouldn't happen to be a gorgeous brown eyed brunette would it?" I just rolled my eyes and turned my desk chair around to face her.

"What do you want Mum?"

"Carlisle and Esme just called."

"So?" Shockingly the fact that my parents friends had called was not very interesting right now.

"Something happened in London." _London?_ Hadn't Bella's parents just…No, this can't be happening.

**BPOV**

An Accident? What kind of accident? To be totally honest with myself I knew. Esme looked like her heart was breaking before my eyes and Carlisle looked as if I would break if he continued. Alice had fallen silent as she slid into the seat next to me rubbing my arm gently.

Finally Carlisle continued with his explanation, but I didn't need to hear it in order to confirm my suspicions. The sympathetic look that graced the faces of the three people that surrounded me was enough.

I wanted so badly to crawl into a hole and never see the light of day again. My heart was literally hurting me, it didn't even feel as if it was beating fast, but it was labouring with the effort to live. The rest of my body tingled and the pain was the only feeling that had broken through.

"I'm sorry Bella, your parents had us down as emergency contacts, earlier the American embassy called. There was a fire at the hotel your parents were staying in went up in flames from the fourth floor onwards… I'm sorry Bella, your parents didn't make it out." I could tell that he was trying to put it nicely, but how can you put the fact that your only family was dead, nicely?

"Bella? Say something sweetie." Esme looked worried and I wished I could say something to ease her emotions, but nothing could escape my lips at the moment.

I heard shuffling coming around me, but after that… nothing. Time had no effect where I was, no sound could penetrate, and no scent could be smelled. I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I was done and nothing could hurt me anymore. There was nothing left to hurt me. I felt my body shiver, it was heavy and lethargic but my body ached with both physical and mental emotion.

"Do you think she'll talk to us soon? It's been four days." Esme's voice was frantic.

Four days, how had so much time passed? What had I done these last four days? Had I cried? Have I even moved from the couch? I knew I was still lying down; slowly I opened my eyes to see the cream ceiling of my bedroom staring back at me. How did I get up here? I looked around the room and saw Alice standing outside the door talking to someone on the phone.

Esme was standing over me and Carlisle was sitting in the rocking chair in the corner of my room.

"Hello darling, how are you feeling?" Esme's kind voice rang through the room causing Carlisle to look up from his books.

"Fine," I lied; apparently both of the others in the room didn't believe it. "Okay maybe not, what's been going on? Did you say it's been four days since you came here?"

Alice's yell cut the room, "No Edward, I don't think you need to be over here at the moment." The sting that accompanied Edward's name had somewhat dulled over the last few days. The pain had now joined and mixed with the grief I felt over my parent's death.

I saw everyone looking at me, talking about funerals and memorials. The tears that were ever-present now were threatening to overwhelm me. The tears that I held back had become a permanent fixture now, even though I had three loving people that surrounded me there was something missing that could take it all away. Never again would I be comforted by the inappropriate words of support given by Renee or the awkward moments of support I received from Charlie.

Slowly I moved to the bathroom completely ignoring the conversation that had continued without me, I could feel six eyes on the back of my head as I left the room in search of some kind of peace. As soon as I closed the heavy wooden door to the bathroom I sighed in relief. The old granite bench-top and stainless steel sink jutted out from the wall in front of me and I saw a mess of toiletries and towels covering the far end underneath the full-length mirror. I turned to the shower, the same duck covered shower curtain hung there lifeless, no, movement of ripples moved through the material. There really is no escaping reality is there?

Getting into the shower I felt the warm spray hit my back and attempt to ease the tension that had been building up for the last five days. Closing my eyes I began to hum a sad and slow tune that carried me back to my bedroom, changed and ready for bed again.

"Bella?"

"Yeah Esme?"

"Dear I know you would rather not talk about it, but we're having the funeral in two days and after that Carlisle and I were thinking that you could come and live with us for a while?" Her eyes held a hint of fear as she said this; did she think I would reject them? That I would scold them for making such a kind offer when I needed their support?

"I wouldn't want to be an inconvenience." It was the truth, no matter how much I wanted to stay with them I couldn't put them out like that.

"Nonsense Bella, you know perfectly well that we have more than enough space for you." Esme would be a wonderful mother, she had a way of calming you down and connecting with everyone around her so that they feel as close as family could ever be. Plus any child of Esme and Carlisle's would be gorgeous; between the two of them that child would have won the genetic lottery.

"It wouldn't be long, I mean I am going to college min a year anyway."

"However long you need is fine with us Bella, you'll always be welcome."

"Thankyou Esme," I went over and hugged her, "You too Carlisle." I said before doing the same to him.

This had to be part of Alice's doing; Elizabeth would be the first to snatch me up in a situation like this. I looked sadly around the bedroom looking for something that seemed to be missing. Nothing, there wasn't a speck of dust out of place after Esme had come through cleaning.

The next days passed by in a blur, there was no longer a pattern to how I slept and the kway my diet was heading I would be skin and bones before long. Physically I know I needed to eat, but my brain was trying to turn off to such trivial matters. We spent a day packing things I would need to stay with Carlisle and Esme. By the day of the funeral my body was exhausted and my mind had prepared for the worst.

I walked down to the kitchen and the smell of bacon as well as a steady sizzling came off the stove. My stomach growled loudly and I took a cup of orange juice from the fridge and sat at the bench only to find Esme standing in front of me holding a packed plate of food in one hand.

"Eat it," She was speaking kindly but I still heard the command there, "after that we'll head over to the community hall."

I nodded and looked at the plate, I was surprised by how hungry I actually was. She set it down in front of me and I slowly ate the entire thing. Putting off the inevitable I took a long shower and dressed slowly into my black skirt and blouse before treading into the living room to find Alice and Esme in similar, black attire. Alice slid over and put her arm around me silently and an awkward hush fell over the room. Carlisle came in and handed Esme her black gloves before giving me an encouraging smile. It did nothing to ease my emotions for the moment. As I was led outside I felt like I could break down at any minute. I slid quietly into the black Mercedes and fought back tears, they'd fall eventually, but for the moment I had to be strong enough to get there. No amount of comfort would help me once I walked into the hall.

After what felt like only seconds I was being ushered out of the car parked in front of the community hall. People were milling outside waiting to pay their respects and as soon as I stood a mop of bronze hair hugged me tightly. Despite the tone of the day, the weather had brought the sun, why on the one day I hope for rain to match the feelings that have taken me; does the sun come out?

"Oh Bella darling how are you? Every time I have called on you, you've been asleep. Have you eaten? You look terribly pale. Oh come here honey." Her eyes were blood shot and her breath caught every now and then choked by tears. Of course today would be hard on her too. She pulled me in for another hug and it took Carlisle's insistence that we were needed inside to have her let go of me. At that point she took my arm and led me to the front row of seats.

All heads turned in my direction as we made our way down the aisle and I saw a familiar mess of bronze hair sitting in the front row along with Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper; who all stared at me as well. At times like this why don't people try and at least make their gawking discreet?

I sat down next to Edward trying to avoid eye contact as much as possible; this was made hard given the way he was looking at me, an intensity that his gaze had never held before. Edward Snr began the proceeding and people's attention finally turned from me and towards his words.

"Welcome everyone, thankyou for coming to the service that will remember two of our beloved friends, Charlie and Renee Swan. Charlie came to Forks at the age of four and has lied among us since that age, we've seen him grow through the good and bad times and saw him become the chief of police in our small town. He made friends of all of us, and I still remember the day he met Renee. We had walked to the cafeteria and had sat down at our normal table in the farthest corner we could find because of course Charlie hated when people had stared. After five minutes Renee came over to introduce herself… and that was it, he was gone I still remember that it had taken at least twenty minutes for him to even think to introduce me.

"They were a loving couple, that made everyone fall for their love and devotion and when they loved, they loved with their whole heart… no matter what." Ed's eyes were sparkling with the memories of his friends and I couldn't help but feel thankful, that someone else knew how I felt. He went on to tell several stories of my parent's young lives. He told stories of the people that they were before I knew them. I realised how little I actually knew about this part of their life, immediately feeling guilty that I hadn't taken the time to get to know them. I'd never heard the story of their first date or that Ed and Renee had spent a month giving their partners the cold shoulder to win a bet between them.

Instead I had known the people that had raised me, the little quirks that had been displayed in the house, secret dislikes that didn't need to be voiced in order to be heard. My hands started shaking and I felt Edward's hand slide over mine and hold it. I didn't question it; at this moment I needed the support more than I needed to remember what had happened between us.

People in the audience laughed at particularly funny scenarios, the ones that made me have to fight all the harder not to break down and cry yet. I saw the Masens and the Cullens all glance at me when particular memories were brought up and I gave the bravest face I could.

Ed's speech was coming to an end and unfortunately Esme had convinced me to say a few words. "I would now like to invite the wonderful daughter of our dear friends to say a few words. Isabella?"

I stood slowly and walked to the front of the room hoping that the floor would swallow me up on the way. All eyes were on me as I stood before the hall full of mourners.

"Thank you all for coming, it's overwhelming… to know that my parents have touched so many people's lives." My voice was cracking and I needed to take extra pauses in order to compose myself. The hall was filled to the brim with people standing and lining the walls and this made me all the more nervous. " It's hard, knowing that I'll never see them again, to know that I will never walk through the door and have Renee run up to me and babble on about how she burned the salad or hear Charlie exclaim that he really hadn't lied when he said there was no ice-cream left just so he could eat it himself.

"They raised me… and gave me everything I needed for my entire life and I'm selfish enough, that I didn't want it to end." Here I saw Carlisle tilt his head sadly, I cleared my throat of the tears so that I could continue. "They were there for all of my firsts, but I wasn't there for any of theirs and I wasn't there for their lasts either… instead I settled for seeing the people they grew and adapted to become, the good and the bad times are all memories I will treasure for the rest of eternity. Even though most people would only remember the good… the bad times showed the resilience and strength that both of my parents possessed. They were the best people I know and taught me everything I need for this life. We're all better people for having known them and I'm proud of them for everything they did."

Tears were rolling down my cheek at this point and it was all I could do to continue on. "Goodbye Mum and Dad, I'll always love you, in this life and the next." With that I took my seat and began to drown in my sorrow.

The crowd personally paid their condolences as we exited the hall and I stood there forcing thankyous out until only Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Ed, Liz, Edward, Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper remained.

Edward kept looking at me as if I was breakable and everyone else just sent looks of sympathy my way. Everyone had their opinions on the service and instead of listening I sat down on a brick wall of the garden that surrounded the hall. All I could do was stare at the pavers and will myself not to begin crying again.

A shadow came over the ground and I looked up to see Edward standing in front of me, "Do you want to take a walk?"

I nodded and stood up silently to follow, we walked to a small community park where I sat on the rusted swing and silently moved back and forwards trying to think of something to say.

"Bella I'm so sorry." I wanted nothing more than to talk to Edward, but somehow the words didn't bring me any comfort, they seemed forced by my unfortunate circumstance.

"Edward this really isn't necessary, you made your feelings about me perfectly clear, to tell you the truth I always wondered when you'd wake up and realise that I was just a burden to you. I don't need you to pretend for my sake." With that I forced out a smile and walked back down the path to the hall. Edward had always been popular and charismatic and I knew that one day he would realise he deserved to have someone better there to look out for him. But even having known this didn't stop the pain when he finally did realise.

I arrived back to see the others standing in a tight circle. "We'd better get going if you wanted to leave today." I said to Esme, we had discussed the living arrangements for the past few days. Carlisle and Esme were supposed to be living in New York for four months so that Carlisle could teach the local hospitals a new surgery technique that he had established. They asked if I would prefer to stay here, but I had agreed to go however as the moment arrived I became slightly reluctant to leave.

"Are you sure dear? We can stay another few days, we don't even have to go if you don't want to." Esme said as she stared at me intently. Why did the universe always have to give you difficult decisions?

"We should probably go so that we can set up and settle in before Carlisle has to start his job, don't you think?"

"Good idea Bella." Esme turned around and began saying goodbye to all of the Masens, gesturing for me to do the same.

I turned to look at the Masens and walked straight up to Rosalie who hugged me tightly, "We'll see you soon Bells, call if you need anything girly."

"Thanks Rose, I'll call you soon."

Jasper smiled and came up to me next, "Take me with you? Alice will go crazy without you here."

I laughed and imagined Alice investing in a real Barbie doll to take my place. She bounced up to me next and threw her arms around me, "I'll miss you Bells, but just imagine the shopping we can do when I visit you in New York."

I shuddered at the thought of her having even more shops to drag me into, I escaped from my thoughts to find Emmett pulling me into a bear hug, "Don't forget me Bella." I could hear the tears in his voice; he was always the crier.

"Emmett it's only four months and you could always visit you know?"

"But what if something happens to you? Plus I can't protect you from all those nasty boys in New York can I?"

"Trust me, there's nothing to protect me from."

"You don't see yourself clearly Bella," said Edward from behind me I turned to see him staring at me sadly.

"My eyesight is fine Edward maybe you should wear those glasses of yours more often." His glasses looked really good on him, but he insisted that he didn't need them. I shook his hand and saw a flash of disappointment cross his eyes. I turned quickly to find Ed and Liz looking at us like we had two heads.

I walked over and hugged them both telling myself I would see them in no time.

Liz whispered in my ear, "We'll see you soon baby girl. Call us when you get there, brush your teeth and try to stay out of trouble. Do I sound like a nagging parent yet?" her eyes shone with humour.

"You always do Liz." She pretended to look insulted as Ed ruffled my hair.

"Bye kiddo, look after yourself."

No one really wanted to say goodbye, but it was necessary. I needed to get away for a while, give myself space to breathe and deal with the new life that had been thrown at me.

We drove back to my parent's house; everything that we needed to take had been packed. The house and everything else my parents owned had been left to me but it didn't really feel like any of it was mine. As we arrived I walked quickly up the house and opened the door, pulling down photos from the walls as I walked up to my room.

Walking into my room it was hardly recognisable, the bed was stripped, the shelves were bear and packed into boxes and the curtains had been changed in favour of blinds whilst I was gone.

"Ready to go? We can give you more time if you need it Bella." Said Carlisle walking into the room. He put his hands on my shoulders, they were cold despite the warmth of the house and I turned to see him looking at me concerned.

"Nah, it's okay. We'll do the boxes and head out this afternoon if that's alright with you." It hurt to be leaving, but I needed this. We all did. I could finally give Edward his space and the rest of the Masens wouldn't have to worry about me breaking down every time I walked into a room.

It took only five minutes to get everything into the car, "Just follow us Bella, it's a private jet leaving from the domestic terminal if you lose sight of our car, but we shouldn't be far ahead and we have our phones if you need to call." I nodded and got into my trusty truck. I turned up the radio, for some reason when I drove by myself I always felt safer with the radio a bit louder.

After an hour, the buildings and crossroads of the town had fallen away and there was forest on either side of the road. I had already listened to two of my MP3 playlists before my phone rang. I quickly stuffed the hands-free in and switched it on pressing the little green button.

"Hello?"

"Bella? Please don't hang up the phone. Just listen to what I have to say, can we talk?" Edward was pleading with me and as angry as I was, I couldn't bring myself to hang up the phone. "Bella please?"

"Make it good."

"Thankyou Bella, I know I'm the last person you want to talk to an frankly I deserve that, but I need you to know that I really am sorry… about everything. I was acting like a jerk, as you so eloquently put it. I'm sorry… about the timing and everything. You didn't deserve what happened to your parents."

"Edward, don't."

"It's true, they were good people, but for some reason you're running away from everything they gave you."

"I am not running away." Who was he to be saying all of this? I wasn't running away, I was giving myself space to reflect and cope with everything that had happened. I was giving myself a way to live my new life the best way I knew how. So for the next few months it would be goodbye until I returned to the life I once had.

"Then what are you doing? Why are you leaving?"

"What choice do I have Edward? My parents are dead!" I yelled the sentence I hadn't wanted to admit to myself. Tears were flowing freely by this point and it was becoming hard to see Carlisle's Mercedes ahead.

"You know that Mum and Dad would be happy to have you stay." He was beginning to raise his voice as well.

"And what? Encroach on your life? Burden not only you now, but your family as well?… you hate me remember."

"Bella I'm…" all of a sudden I couldn't hear Edward, instead I heard branches whipping against the side of the truck, I wiped my eyes quickly to look through the haze I had created to see a tree right in front of me. The glass in the windscreen shattered and I was thrown forward.

"Bella? Bella!" From a distance I heard an unfamiliar voice calling me, they sounded as if they were yelling to me from the end of a long hallway.

All of a sudden as if the voice had entered my head, I heard the two words that had been haunting me since I had learnt of my parents death. "I'm sorry."

I was dying, pain that I had never known existed shot through my body. People that had near death experiences lied, this wasn't spiritually healing, but instead it felt like my spirit was being ripped from my body. All the pain I had felt over the last few days had intensified and was physically and emotionally breaking me down, pulling at me like strings and trying to target parts of my body to hit next.

The pain sent a strange sensation through my body, like the burning that came from holding ice for too long. However long I would have to experience this pain would be far too long, whether it be seconds or days.

I felt my connection with the world begin to snap like wires, and every sound my body made reverberated through my head. Was I dead? Surely we wouldn't live our entire lives just to end up in pain and misery for the rest of eternity.

The pain continued to intensify until it climaxed, burning through my heart and every other organ in my body. The pain lasted so long that I felt as if my body would become accustomed to it. Instead of delivering every stab of pain this hell was throwing at me, my body attempted to block it out and instead sent a numb feeling through me.

"Carlisle? When do you think she'll wake?" a voice that sounded slightly familiar came from my right, but it was somewhat sharper than any voice I had heard, as if I could hear every sound wave. I also heard buzzing and humming I had never heard before. Wait Carlisle? Was he dead as well?

"Bella? Can you open your eyes?" I tried but my eyelids felt heavy and it was as if I was in a foreign body. Finally I forced my eyes to snap open. Above me was a wooden roof, but the image seemed odd. It was as if I could see every grain and knot that ran in the timber. I could even see the layer of dist that had been collected.

I sat up and looked around the room. It looked like a large storage closet, shelves lined the wall opposite the door and there were no windows to see through. I wonder what time it is? I was sitting on a small cot in the centre of the room, and there were two chairs next to me seating Esme and Carlisle. Being dead was turning out to be very different from what I had expected.

"Oh Bella, we were so worried are you alright?" of course I'm not, I'm dead.

"Where am I?"

"One of my houses in Canada. We came up here after your accident, it's better if we're further away from humans for now."

Humans? I scrunched up my face thinking of a reasonable explanation. "Am I dead?"

"No, dear you're changed."

"Changed?"

"Bella I need you to be open minded about this." When I nodded he continued. "Do you remember hearing legends from Charlie's friend Billy?"

The memory was vague, but it was there. I nodded again. "They weren't all false Bella."

I tried to think of some of the stories, looking around the room as if something there would trigger my memory. But the aching in my throat was distracting me.

"May I have some water please?" the request seemed off but I didn't question it.

"I don't think you'd like that Bella."

"Why not? My throat is killing me."

They both laughed as if knowing something I didn't. "We'll take care of that in a minute. Bella the legend I was referring to was that of the cold ones, do you remember it?"

"Vampires?"

"Yes Bella, do you remember them telling you that they had made a deal with some vampires that only fed off animals in the area?"

"Vaguely."

Esme cut in at this point, "Bella, we were the vampires they made the treaty with."

"You? But I… But you. No"

"Excuse me?"

"No I mean, how could they have made that treaty with you, you're so young."

"We don't age Bella."

"But you go outside in daylight."

"Yes, shockingly all myths are not true."

"How did you keep the secret?"

"We move a lot Bella as you well know. It's easy when you have built up a decent living from years of work."

"How old are you?" I didn't want to sound rude, but the situation intrigued me.

Carlisle decided to start speaking again, "Do you feel different Bella? Is there anymore pain in your body." That's when it clicked, why they were telling me all of this. I was one of them.


	3. Chapter 3

hey, i hope you like reading this chapter.  
Thanks for your reviews on the last one i'm sorry i didn't reply to each one individually, i've been going crazy trying to study for the hsc  
Thanks mrz.edwardanthonymasencullen for your help and for beta-ing this story for me, you rock.  
Kat

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A vampire? We had only left Forks for a day and I had changed species? What was I going to do now? Would I want to eat everyone I saw. The thought made me sick and I'm sure that I wasn't able to hide the look from my face.

"Bella, we're so sorry about this. We never would have changed you unless it was completely necessary." What had happened that made this necessary? I remember the funeral and the pain that had accompanied it, the pain had dulled somewhat, but still clawed at the back of my mind like a caged animal. I remember having left that afternoon and Edward calling me. Edward, my chest gave a tug at the thought; would I ever see Edward or any of the Masens again? I took a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself. As I inhaled a strong sickly sweet scent hit my senses and I could hear footsteps walking up the path.

Esme and Carlisle were eyeing me cautiously, it was as if I were in some volatile state at the moment. When a knock came at the door Carlisle stood and had his hands on my shoulders, as if to restrain me, within seconds. Esme moved slowly around the corner and to the door. Her movements looked exaggerated as she made her way at what I assume must be a human pace.

The sweet scent intensified as I heard Esme open the door and Carlisle hands dug deeper into my shoulders. What was going on here? "Carlisle why are you trying to crush my shoulders?"

"Pardon?"

"Your hands, they're digging into my shoulders."

"Oh… sorry Bella." His hands relented slightly and I turned to see his forehead creased and his eyes filled with concern "How do you feel Bella?"

"Uh fine, I guess."

"It's okay Esme take your time." He said in the direction Esme had gone.

"Are _you_ okay Carlisle?"

"I just thought you would have reacted differently when that man came up to the house." When I continued giving him a confused look he continued. "Most vampires start out… um, aggressively craving blood. I've never met a new born that could withstand the scent of a human before."

"Oh, I'm a freak great."

"Not a freak Bella, this is a marvellous thing."

"Yeah marvellous."

"Esme invite Geoffrey in." Carlisle said to Esme, the volume of his voice didn't change from when he had spoken to me.

I could hear her answer, although it appeared she had muttered it much faster than she had previously been speaking to Geoffrey. "Are you sure honey?"

"Yeah bring him in." Carlisle seemed to have calmed slightly in the last few minutes and I could swear I saw a hint of a smile on his face.

As soon as Geoffrey stepped into the room, you could immediately see the difference between him and Carlisle, the slightly pink colour of his cheeks alerted me to the blood that coursed through his veins.

Just previously the flush of his cheeks would not have stirred these thoughts in me, what was even more peculiar was the faint blue aura that surrounded him for a couple of seconds as he entered the room. Carlisle and I were introduced and as I watched his eyes settle on me I wanted to wipe the smirk that formed off his face. How could a person blatantly stare like that? His eyes roamed my body and I felt a rush of anger; taking a steadying breath I stood and excused myself into the kitchen.

I heard Carlisle come up behind me, "Bella that was incredible, are you thirsty at all?"

"Ah yeah a bit, sorry… is that bad?"

Carlisle gave me an encouraging look before answering. "It's fine dear, we'll just wait for Esme and then head out hunting." I nodded finally looking around the kitchen, it was completely wooden, save for the sink oven refrigerator and other appliances that scatted the bench. From the roof hung several herbs, flowers and utensils and I couldn't help but wonder why they needed all this when they would never be cooking meals here.

I walked halfway down the hall and noticed a mirror on the right, I must have looked dreadful after the accident and the change. Would I still have a reflection when I looked into the mirror. As I slid next to it I squeezed my eyes shut and very slowly peeked open my right eye to check for any signs of a reflection. The vision that was in front of me made me yelp in surprise. Surely after the accident I would have been battered and bruised, but nothing. My skin was flawless and had a slight glow to it under the lights of the house. My hair had somehow gained more vibrancy an compared to my previously dull mahogany brown hair. The bones in my face looked different somehow and my face looked slightly more heart shaped than before, there was no more excess fat around my cheeks and as I looked down, my body seemed much more toned than it had previously.

My eyes were drawn to their own reflection and I noticed a scarlet red had overtaken my previously dark brown eyes. They were mesmerising and I stood and stared at them long enough for Esme to come and tap me on the shoulder.

"Come Bella, we'll take care of that thirst and then get you out of those clothes, you must be terribly uncomfortable." I nodded and followed silently, how many days ago had we left forks? Surely I couldn't have changed this much overnight.

"Uh Esme, what day is it?"

"Thursday, it took three days for you to change and regain consciousness." Said Carlisle coming up behind us and handing each person their mobile phone. "Let's go eat ladies."

Esme and I laughed leaving the house and walking towards the cars. I slid into the back of Carlisle's Mercedes and waited for both of them to settle in before we left.

"Where are we going?"

"We own a large block of forest up here Bella, it's easier for us to hunt that way and we know that the forest can't be torn down as long as we have the deeds." Esme was explaining, she then went on to tell me of the properties that Carlisle had acquired over his years."

"So how does the whole blood thing work?"

"It's much the same as many movies you may have seen, we tend to use the carotid artery, better flow and the oxygenated blood moves through our systems easier than the blood from the veins."

"Spoken like a true doctor." I said amused somehow by his nonchalant explanation about feeding habits.

I continued to question them about vampires until we reached the forest. As we stepped out of the car, the earthy smell that accompanied the forest began to overwhelm my senses; I close my eyes in an attempt to understand my newly found senses. When I listened I was able to hear sounds, that as a human I would not previously have heard, filling my ears. There was a buzz of life, each creature had it's own voice, and even the plants seemed to have a breath that emanated from them. As I took in another deep breath I could feel my body react to scattered, sweet scents that circled off in different directions.

I opened my eyes and realised for the first time the sharpness of the picture in front of me. Every minute detail could be seen through my new eyes and I was able to see for incredible distances. I felt a hand, clap on and my head flew around at lightning speed to see Carlisle standing at my right shoulder patiently.

"Ready?"

I nodded and followed him into the forest, as he took off running I became nervous when he continued to gain speed. How was I supposed to keep up? After running for only minutes I realised that my legs were keeping up well with the new pace that they had been introduced to. I saw Esme come to a stop just ahead of me and I smelt a mouth-watering scent, it smelled of butterscotch, but the scent had a tangy kick to it that made me crave whatever the scent had come from even more.

"It's a bear." Esme said pointing over my left shoulder, as I took another breath I realised she was encouraging me to go in the right direction. How did a bear smell like butterscotch? I could hear it a while off in the distance and my mouth began to water.

"When we're hunting, you're the predator. You can't use your head, if you hesitate for even a second it's over… for that meal at least. Just let your instincts take over your body and do what comes naturally Bella." Carlisle's voice was firm and compassionate all at once.

He bounded in the direction of the bear and once we were almost 100 metres away I could see it in a small clearing. I turned to Esme who gestured for me to continue. I ran up behind it as quickly as I could and leapt on the back of the enormous animal, immediately biting down on the artery in it's neck the blood tasted incredible as I took my first lick, but the animal yelled out in pain. In an attempt to ease the bear I quickly put it out of it's misery and began my feast.

The blood was amazingly smooth as it passed my lips and I could feel it immediately make it's way into my system as I swallowed it down. The feeling was indescribable, I felt empowered and yet vulnerable all in one. The feeling left my body tingling as I finished off my meal and stood to see grass and dirt stains had been added to my clothing as well as drops of blood that I had missed.

Esme looked almost frantic at the edge of the clearing, "Are you alright dear? No scratches? Of course you don't have scratches what am I saying." She hugged me tight and I couldn't help but hug her back.

"I'm fine Esme, no harm done."

"That was wonderful Bella, you were so graceful… Oh I'm so proud of you dear."

"Thanks Esme."

The hunt continued until all three of us had been completely satiated and we headed back to the Cullen's house.

"Carlisle? What does everyone else at home think happened to me?" The question had been bugging me for a while, would I ever be able to see them again. Were they told that I was dead? Even though apparently I was as good as dead.

"I told them you were fine and was spending the night in the hospital just to be sure, luckily enough I convinced Liz, it wasn't necessary for her to come and check on you herself." A weight seemed to lift off my shoulders as he said this.

"So we can go back?"

"Do you want to go back Bella? You've changed a lot, we won't be able to return for at least 8-10 months probably even over a year to be sure."

"I need to go back and see them."

"We'll make the arrangements when the time comes. For now we will be staying here, my friends Eleazar and Carmen should be visiting next week and after that I think we can move back south, you don't appear to be threatening to humans at this point, we may even be able to stay in New York after all."

"Can I call them?"

"Of course sweetheart, we're not going to stop you talking to your friends." Carlisle shot Esme an uncomfortable look and she lightly patted his arm and muttered not to worry.

"Thanks."

When we arrived I quickly moved out of the car and sat on the swing that inhabited the Cullen's front deck. I quickly opened my phone and selected Alice's number.

After three rings she picked up. "Hello?"

"Hey Alice it's me."

"Bella?" Why did she even need to ask that? Of course it was me.

"Yeah Al."

"Bella! Oh thank goodness you're alright, you are alright aren't you?" Her voice was deadly serious and I couldn't help but laugh at her sudden mood change.

"I'm fine, I just had another Bella moment on the way to the airport."

"Yeah Carlisle told us that you had hit something on the road. Edward was worried sick when he heard you crash, I could have sworn there was no blood left in his face when I walked into the room." My chest gave another tug at the mention of Edward.

"Well all is fine here."

"Are you okay Bella you sound different."

"Different? I haven't been away for that long Alice and you're already forgetting what I sounded like?" I began to feel uncomfortable, how would she react when she actually saw how much I had changed?

"I don't know, it sounds like your voice has more of a ring to it than it used to. Maybe it's that New York air."

"That must be it, the air puts a ring into everyone's voice. Let's get Emmett to New York to see if it will change his _manly_ voice." I was laughing by the time I finished my sentence and heard Alice doing the same. Emmett had always insisted that he had the manliest voice in the house for some odd reason, no one had ever bothered to ask why it was so important; instead we just let him have his moment. I wasn't going to tell her we had never made it to New York, no reason for that yet.

"Hey Bella? Edward wants a quick word with you alright?" I heard the phone change hands and I caught my breath as Edward came to the phone.

"Bella?" I was frozen, what was I going to say to him now? He had apologised in the car for saying the things he said, but surely that didn't make them untrue. "Bella." He said it louder this time, successfully gaining my attention.

"Hey Edward. What's up?"

"I'm just checking to make sure you are alright Bella." That's it? He could have gotten that information from Alice.

"I'm fine thankyou for asking. Are you alright?"

"Good… I'm good. You sound great Bella." He seemed to be stumbling to make conversation. The thought made me sad. Were we not able to even have a civilised conversation anymore? "Did you arrive safely?"

Generic conversation, just what I need; I rolled my eyes before answering. "Yep, nothing broken, not even a scratch on me as far as I can tell."

"Good… that's good. Bella I'm…" At that moment I heard Alice demand the phone back and Edward sighed into the line.

"I'll speak with you later Bella." His voice seemed reluctant and distant as he made his goodbye and I couldn't help but feel a little satisfaction at the fact.

"Bye Edward."

"Oh Edward don't pout, it's a very unattractive feature on you." Alice's voice came through the line and I smirked at the visual of Edward pouting at Alice. "Honestly you'd think he was three and I'd taken away his favourite toy." She said addressing me.

I could swear I heard him mutter, "you did" on the other end, but I couldn't be sure.

Alice and I continued to talk for another half hour while she told me the town news, _that_ didn't take long and other details of her life since I had left. You'd think I had been gone for weeks the amount of detail she put into her daily routine.

After promising to call again soon I finally hung up and turned to walk inside. When I stepped in the door I heard thumps coming from the living room and I stopped thinking of turning on my heel to walk back out. Just as I made the decision to walk outside again, Esme's voice filled the air.

"Bella? Will you come play with us?"

I stood there alarmed, "If it's anything like what I am imagining I think you two should play by yourselves." I shuddered, some mental images are just wrong.

Esme rounded the corner fully clothed and I sighed in relief, "What are you going on about Bella?"

I gave her a pointed look and she smirked, "Oh Bella, if we were doing that you would have heard a lot more in the way of screaming."

"EWWWWW!" I put my hands over my ears and closed my eyes trying to rid myself of the visual that had just surfaced; unfortunately it didn't help matters.

I heard Carlisle laugh from the living room and Esme was hunched over in hysterics after seeing my face. I just raised an eyebrow and walked into the living room to see all the furniture pushed to sides. And three yoga mats spread out on the floor.

"Hell no."

"Oh come on Bella it'll be fun." Esme was beaming and reminded me slightly of Alice with the amount of enthusiasm she was showing.

"Aren't old people supposed to sit and reminisce about the old days?"

"We're not that old."

I looked disbelieving and sat on the end of one of the mats, "Carlisle is over three hundred years old and you are well over 70."

"But we get the privilege of always remaining in our twenties for the rest of eternity." Esme said in a whimsical voice. I had never seen her this free, here she was able to act young. She could move as fast as she liked and glide around the house in whatever state struck her fancy. I liked how natural it was to live with the Cullens now; at that thought I felt a tug at my chest again.

Was it wrong to have accepted my parent's death so readily, should I still be depressed?

At my sudden change of emotions I felt Carlisle put an arm around me as he sat on the back of my mat.

"It's okay Bella, just like our physical scars, our emotional scars also heal during the change. It's easier for us to accept the concept of mortality; otherwise the connections we make with humans would haunt us for the rest of our lives after they are gone."

That's when I realised. All of the humans that I currently loved would all be gone one day. The connections that I currently have to my past life would begin to dwindle until there was barely anything left of them.

"They die?" my voice shook and I could tell Carlisle didn't need an explanation to know I was talking about the Masens.

"Yes Bella, all mortals die; we can't change everyone."

Why hadn't I thought of this earlier? Carlisle's hesitation to have me call Alice should have been a bit of a clue other than the fact that everyone would die eventually, except for our kind.

"I'm sorry Bella." Carlisle looked so guilty as he stared at my face.

"No it's not your fault, I should have realised it earlier… I mean of course… I never… I didn't think about it, I mean."

We sat there in silence for the next hour contemplating the weight of my discovery, of course Carlisle and Esme both already understood; but it gave me a moment to understand.

We did yoga after that, I surprised myself by actually being able to balance for more than two seconds and afterwards we found ways to amuse ourselves whilst the hours wore on.

On Tuesday there was a knock at the door and I opened it to see two people I assumed to be Eleazar and Carmen. All of a sudden as if data in my head just turned on I saw a transparent blue thread connect both Eleazar and I. The thread was brighter than the one I saw around Geoffrey, more solid somehow and yet when I reach out in front of me I couldn't make any contact with it.

He can read abilities? As the blue thread disappeared I became slightly uncomfortable having these new vampires standing on the Cullen's porch.

"You must be Bella." Said Eleazar

I nodded, were they mind readers too?

"Carlisle didn't warn you of our visit?" Oh of course Carlisle's friends would know about me. Stupid Bella.

"Yes sorry, come in, Carlisle just went to take care of some things in town and Esme is out in the garden."

As they stepped into the house I took a chance to look at them; Eleazar was tall and well built, his sandy brown hair seemed to sparkle as he moved and his eyes burnt a bright topaz, much like Carlisle's and Esme's. He walked gracefully and though his features were sharp you could see the kindness that existed there.

Carmen followed closely behind before taking her place beside her husband; she was slightly shorter than I was, with Auburn curls that framed a soft, round face. Her skin was flawless and like mine had a glow under the lights of the house.

"Did you want to sit down while I go and pull Esme from the garden?" I turned around and ran into something, hard.

"No need Bella I heard them coming," she smiled at me and moved around to embrace our new guests. "Carmen… Eleazar, it's wonderful to see you both again. How is everything?"

We sat and I got to know about these new vampires better, the rest of their coven was back Denali for the meantime and would visit when they could. I learnt of their past and current livings, apparently Eleazar had worked for other vampires in Italy before moving here with his new coven.

When Carlisle arrived home he suggested a hunt; at which everyone readily agreed and piled into two cars up to the forest.

We found enough to satisfy everyone before calling it a night and heading back to the Cullen's house once more.

As the night wore on, something Eleazar said sparks some interest in me.

"You picked up a very talented girl there, Carlisle."

"Bella? Of course we did." He said it as if it was blatantly obvious, Carlisle had just been telling Eleazar of my encounter with Geoffrey.

"Transfer is an exceptional skill, as well as a mental block I'm pretty sure, she didn't seem to have acquired that from anyone. You could tell that I can read skills when I walked into the house could you not Bella?" I nodded not particularly knowing where this conversation was heading.

Carlisle decided to jump in and explain at this point, "You see Bella, when we're changed many of our kind carry across particularly strong traits that we carried in our human lives, for example Eleazar as a human had a knack for seeing the potential that a person may have carried; it made him a great army recruiter."

"It appears Bella that you have the ability to manipulate these skills and transfer them between yourself and other vampires, I'm sure if you tried hard enough you could even acquire skills from humans." Does every vampires have one of these abilities?

"But how?"

"Who knows dear, it may have come from a particularly strong sense of acquiring and giving to others things that you needed when you were human, we can't be sure."

"Oh."

"It just takes practice to get used to it Bella, really it's no problem. Also being a transfer I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to get rid of powers that you came across. It's very unique."

"Wonderful." I said sarcastically only to have Esme snicker and have Carlisle smile to himself.

After this day Carlisle decided it might be best to teach me elementary fighting and to help me develop my powers as I came in contact with people. The lessons were long and tedious; by the time they were over I had been physically drained and needed to hunt.

We did fighting drills and mental drills, whilst I tried to change Eleazar's ability into Carlisle. Soon I realised that each person around me, had a blue thread coming from them and I was able to tell what each blue thread did after I had successfully changed powers between them I was given a two day break.

The weeks wore on and soon I realised that summer vacation was more than half over. Eleazar and Carmen had left after staying for three weeks; they needed to get back to their family. Their departure reminded me that I had barely talked to any of my friends in Forks since my phone call with Alice and it made my existence here quite lonely.

A knock came at the door and I moved to open it, seeing before me a tall proud man. He carried with him an air of importance and wisdom as he moved through the door silently and I noticed the blood red eyes that resembled mine. The dark hair and sharp features led you to believe he was some nobleman many centuries ago. As I studied him I realised he was a mind reader; do they even exist? And I saw the blue thread form between us. Not bothering to sever the connection I wondered whether I would enjoy reading minds. I let it fill me and the new skill moved to the back of my mind for later study.

"Bella how wonderful it is to meet you." His voice stunned me, instead of the obnoxious drawl I expected to hear from him; his voice was light and playful.

"Hello…" Hoping that he would give me some kind of clue as to his identity I trailed off.

"Oh I'm sorry darling, I am Aro; Carlisle invited me to come and meet you."

"Yeah he does that a lot; come in I'll call him down." I walked over to the stairs ready to pull Carlisle from whatever work he was doing. "Carlisle you have a guest."

He was down the stairs in a matter of seconds greeting Aro; they talked like old friends ad rarely missed a beat in their conversation when speaking of new acquaintances.

As the conversation turned to me I became a bit uncomfortable, Carlisle and Aro shook hands and I saw Aro's face light up.

"Bella, what a great skill you have."

"Um… thankyou."

"You could do great things on my guard Bella. Would you consider joining us?" From listening to their conversation I gathered that Aro and the Vulturi pretty much ran the vampire world. Not wanting to sound rude I simply sat there, only to realise this could be seen as rude as well.

"I'm sorry, I think I'd rather stay with Carlisle and Esme for now." my voice sounded weak as I answered and I'm sure I must have visibly flinched at the disappointment in his eyes.

"Honestly dear we can offer you a great life, any diet you want and you would be placed very highly in my guard. With a power like yours, you could do great things." He said everything calmly, but I couldn't help but feel he was convinced that I was needed on his guard.

"Really, I think it would be better for me to stay here." I tried to sound as polite as possible.

"We could give you things you have always dreamed of Bella; but no worries dear, the offer is always open to you. I'm sure you wouldn't be opposed to my recruiting you if I was ever in need of your assistance for something. I'm not going to force you to come with me, especially at such a young age." I nodded calming slightly, but not enough to let my guard down. I couldn't help but feel this hadn't closed the discussion.

Aro's stay was unsettling, as if I needed to watch my behaviour the entire time he was here, I sat quietly and when Carlisle finally led him to the door I was able to relax my shoulders and sit back in the couch.


	4. Chapter 4

Yay the next chapter, sorry everything is going so slowly lately, before the end of the school year started coming I was actually really fast at updating my stories and that will happen as soon as i have finished my final exams in a couple of weeks.

I hope that you like the chapter.

Thank you so much to the lovely mrz.edwardanthonymasencullen for looking over the story for me and keeping me in check.

I'd really love to hear the opinions you hgave on the story, let me know.

* * *

As summer vacation was nearing it's end, Carlisle approached me to figure some new details out for the school year.

"Bella?" I was currently sitting in the sunroom, the day outside was clear and my skin was glowing from the light that entered through the windows. I looked up from my book to see Carlisle walk in with a stack of paper held tightly in his hand.

"Hey what's up?"

"Here I have…"

"What's left of a couple of trees?" I interrupted but instead of looking annoyed I saw an amused smile grace Carlisle's face.

"No, job offers." I looked at the pile of papers in his hand. Did this many people really want Carlisle to work for them? There had to be over 2000 sheets of paper.

"They're all job offers?"

"That and research for the surrounding areas, period weather conditions, schools hospitals, size of community all those kinds of thing as well as past holders of the land. Some of the native tribes don't like us on their lands, being so connected as they are to the spirits and other universes they can immediately see us for what we are. It's unsettling to some people." I nodded it seemed understandable enough.

"So we're moving?"

"This was never meant to be permanent Bella, but if you'd rather stay I'm sure we could arrange."

"Oh no it's fine, I don't have much to pack and I'm sure this time it will take me all of an hour to finish packing anyway." Carlisle nodded and started spreading out the sheets onto the table in 6 distinct piles.

"Esme and I narrowed it down, we thought these 6 places would be the best to begin with. Esme should be in here shortly to help us decide."

"Us?"

"Well you have to live with us too Bella." It touched me how much Carlisle and Esme seemed to value my opinion. Once Esme came to the sun room we spent the afternoon going through Carlisle's job prospects, what schools I'd prefer and so on.

Finally we decided that Carlisle would take a job in Juneau Alaska. Apparently one of the vampires that lived with Eleazar had volunteered to come to school with me if we had moved there. Not that I wasn't confident enough to go by myself, but I would prefer to have someone there for moral support.

Carlisle left to make some phone calls and find out when he needed to start the job in Juneau. Apparently we would be leaving Canada in two days. I hadn't made many memories here, really only venturing from the house to buy some books when Esme went into town. I spent most of my time here in the house playing board games or doing puzzles with Esme when she was free or reading by myself when no one else was available.

My phone rang and I looked quickly at the caller ID. It had been a while since Jake had called me.

"Hey Jake."

"Bells, good to know that you remember to call your favourite cousin."

"What about April?"

"How could you like April more than me? She called you toilet for a year after you fell in when you were 5."

"As I remember someone else didn't let me forget it either."

"Hey at least my jokes were tasteful."

"Gee that's so much better."

"Anyway, how are you feeling Bells? Is everything okay up there?"

"I'm fine Jake, it just takes a bit of time you know." Jake had been devastated at my parent's death and had tried to jump on the plane the minute he found out. Sadly his father and grandmother didn't have the money to have Jake fly out again this summer.

"So guess where I'm moving?" I tried to change the subject quickly.

"The moon?"

"Yeah I'm moving to the moon. What kind of a guess is that?"

"I don't know where are you moving?" he always ignores my comments when I don't laugh at his lame attempt at jokes.

"No I'm moving to Juneau."

"Alaska?"

"No the moon."

"Seriously Alaska? Do you know how cold it is there? My God it'll be worse than visiting in Forks."

"Well it's a good thing you never visited anyway then."

"You wound me Bells, people will start thinking I don't care about you when you talk like that. Anyway, how long are you staying there?"

"The school year I suppose."

"Do you start on Monday?"

"Yeah, great huh?"

"Sounds it, I have to go. I'll call you after school on Monday alright?"

"Okay, bye Jake."

"Later."

Packing up was quick and easy, I left out clothes for the next couple of days and my box of books remained unsealed until we left. As we arrived at Juneau we pulled up to small house, they had chosen a house already? I could smell someone inside, it wasn't a human, but it concerned me that there was someone in the house. I think Esme could feel my apprehension because she looked back and me and explained that it was the vampire from the Denali clan.

We walked into the house to hear someone running down the stairs. "Esme! Carlisle!" I saw a blur of hair rush past me and collide with Esme. When the girl stepped back I couldn't help but look twice. She looked beautiful, her blonde hair had a hint of red running through it, her features looked almost flawless, she was slightly taller than Carlisle and she exuded confidence.

And I couldn't help but feel my self-esteem slip a bit as she motioned for me to come closer. "You must be Bella," she hugged me tight and pulled me back at arms length to look at me, "Oh you're so pretty, we're going to have so much fun."

"Um… thankyou?"

"Tanya likes to… tease the humans." Esme said laughing at a story she must have remembered.

"We're going to have so much fun Bella, nothing to worry about. We're doing all the same classes I already took care of that; we start on Monday so we still have a few days to go shopping before we go." She said everything very fast even for a vampire and I found myself having to rethink everything she had said to me.

"Come on I've already picked out your room for you, it's right next to mine, fun huh?" I nodded and followed mutely up the stairs and walked into a room with a bay window in the corner. All natural light flooded the already furnished room and I looked around to see that she had stocked my bathroom and made the bed. There was dark green wallpaper along one wall and the others were painted a cream colour. The lamps on each bedside table were gold and green and caused that end of the room to glow slightly.

"Do you love it? I can change it if you wanted. But Esme let me decorate so I thought I would just do the basics and we can find things to fill in the blanks once you got here. You're not disappointed are you?"

I was still in shock about how beautiful the room was when I registered what she had just said. "What? No the room is beautiful thank you."

She turned and hugged me her face beaming with pride. "Excellent, let's get you unpacked so that we can go and get you some Alaska appropriate clothing."

"I don't really…"

"Don't finish that sentence Bella, we are going and that is final now haul arse and get those boxes of yours."

We unpacked the boxes; Tanya insisted that we leave the clothing boxes until last. Apparently we needed to rate analyse and dispose of anything inappropriate.

"Oh Bella this is cute." She held up a white halter-top with a connected belt and a cowl neck. "You can keep this if you want." She placed it in the 'keepers' pile, which was much smaller than the 'garbage' pile. "This'd look great on me." She teased holding up one of the few dresses I owned, a red backless cocktail dress.

"We definitely need to find somewhere that you can where this, it's hot." She held it up to my body and started nodding her head.

Once we had finished with all my clothes Tanya went to change and I told her I would meet her in the living room. Se bounded down and walked straight up to Esme. "Did you say you got Bella a credit card?"

Esme smiled and reached into her wallet pulling out a shiny black card. She reached over and handed it to me.

"Esme…"

"Bella, before you argue please remember that Carlisle has been working for centuries and we have more than enough money to spare; also that if you don't take it I will just give it to Tanya and she'll force you to use it against your will anyway, so whether you consent to it or not you will be getting new clothes and your old ones will be gone by the time you return." She smiled too innocently; Tanya wasn't the only one in on all of this.

"You're coming aren't you?" she just smiled as an answer and I saw Tanya run upstairs as I took the card from Esme. "Thankyou."

"You're welcome Bella. Ready to shop?"

"As ready and willing as I'll ever be." I turned to the door only to have Tanya run out in front of me with oil and matches and a garbage bag. "What are you…" I trailed off as I saw her dump all of my clothes onto the lawn and pour oil on the pile.

"Say bye bye Bella." Tanya dropped the match on the pile and it went up in flames. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open, was I even sad that my clothes had been destroyed? I think I was more shocked at how abruptly Tanya had disposed of them.

Esme was laughing beside me as Tanya beat down the fire of what was now burnt pieces of fabric.

"Okay, I'm ready, now we can go." She said sweetly motioning to the garage. We walked over to the garage and I saw a white Cadillac Escalade sitting in the first door.

"This is yours?" Tanya smiled and patted the car

"Yahuh. Let's go ladies, no reason to hang around here." We jumped in the car and Tanya turned on the radio while we sped down the road towards a shopping centre.

As we pulled up to the mall there were builders working on the outside, Tanya winked at Esme and walked inside with a sway to her hips earning catcalls from the single men she passed. Esme laughed and took my arm forcing me to follow suit as we walked inside. There were more catcalls and whistles as we passed and I knew if I were still human my cheeks would be flooded with blood.

We keeled over laughing once we had turned the corner earning odd stares in our direction, "That was great Bella, you're a natural." She hugged me and we finally stood up to get started, "Ready to find something fabulous to where for your first day of school?"

"I've been to school before you know?"

"But now you'll be desired… not that you wouldn't have been before, I mean I bet you were beautiful. But now you'll be the sexy, mysterious transfer student that no one can have."

"I have a feeling that would be you." She was beautiful, how could she think anyone would take a second look at me when she would be by my side.

"Oh please you're gorgeous, it's about time I had someone new to go to school with, Kate and Irina refuse to go to school now, they prefer working." She pulled me into the first store, all the clothing was arranged on the walls in colours and sizes.

"Esme this would look great on you." I said picking up a dress with spaghetti straps and a floral print on the body.

"I'm far too old for something like that."

"Esme if you don't get the dress Bella is holding I will have to find you a skin tight red strapless that comes at most halfway down your thighs." Again Tanya smiled sweetly, but you could see the threat in her eyes.

When Esme sighed in defeat Tanya's gaze let up and a cheered to myself. "You'll look beautiful."

After looking at every article of clothing in the store we finally went to try everything on. Some of the clothes passed Tanya's standards but most of them were left behind. None of the clothes made me fele uncomfortable or insecure, as a human most of these clothes would never see the light of day, but somehow I felt like I could finally wear things that showed off my body or made me feel good.

We continued shopping until each of us had bought entirely new wardrobes including shoes and accessories. And we made our way back home with a full boot and backseat.

As we walked in the door Carlisle looked at us incredulously. "Don't worry love. We got you clothes as well." Esme said as she gave him a kiss and walked up the stairs sporting her purchases for the day.

"Good thing the card is limitless." He mumbled and we all laughed We hadn't spent more than his car had cost so we knew he wasn't really annoyed by it. He smiled and gave me a hug. "How'd it go?"

"Good. Um do you think we could talk after I'm finished putting everything away?"

"Is everything okay Bella?"

"I don't know."

"Okay, I'll be in my office. Third floor second door on the left." I nodded and went to put everything in my closet. Tanya had apparently built an entire walk-in wardrobe to hold all of the clothes that we had purchased.

When I was finished I went up the stairs and knocked on Carlisle's office door. "Come in Bella."

I sat down on the chair across from him. It felt like the principle's office. Carlisle stood and pulled his chair around to my side of the desk and sat in front of me. "What's going on Bella? Aren't you happy staying here? We can move if you want."

"No, that's not it. It's just… I feel guilty?" it sounded like a question when I said it. Was it guilt that I was feeling?

"Guilty?"

"I'm not sad." It sounded lame when I said it out loud. But I didn't know how else to say it.

Comprehension dawned on Carlisle and he started nodding his head. "You can't be sad forever Bella."

"I know that, but I thought that it would take longer than this."

"It's hard for us to hold onto human emotion, over time for humans, their emotions can fade or be replaced and carrying emotion over after the change is hard. We become healed in every way Bella, I told you this before. You may not be sad but you remember them and that's what matters." I nodded, maybe it was better to rejoice in their memories than wallow in them.

"Thanks Carlisle. I'm sorry for this."

"Anytime Bella, there's nothing to apologise for." I smiled and hugged him before walking out of the office.

The rest of the days before school started were filled with games and hunting sessions with Tanya, she insisted that we need to get to know each other better before we started school together.

As we prepared for school on Monday Tanya put me into an outfit, that I was sure could not have met school requirements, however she read every line of the dress guidelines and I had found that she had worked well within the perimeters of the school code. I was wearing a form fitting midnight blue t-shirt with a ladies face drawn onto the front as well as a denim skirt that came just above the knee. If I had still been a human the shoes she had put me in would have been a worry, but now I was able to catch myself before I fell.

We pulled into school only to have stares directed our way. Everyone's heads snapped around to watch our car pull into the parking lot and I couldn't help but smile to myself as Tanya let out a tinkering laugh. "Okay Bells, sunglasses on before we get out."

I laughed at her enthusiasm and put the black sunglasses on my face before opening the door. When I looked over a Tanya I thought I had been watching a movie, apparently some of the boys standing nearby approved of her appearance as she made her way to the front of the car ready to walk up to the school.

"Isn't this fun?" we passed a group of boys that blatantly stared at us while we passed and I just laughed.

"Maybe a little," I admitted as we made our way into the front office. The woman sitting behind the desk was short with a rounded face and clothes that looked like she had dropped out of a nursing home. She smiled warmly at us and I couldn't help but smile back as we approached the circular desk.

"Hi, I'm Bella and this is Tanya, we're transferring here this year?" I asked as she started rifling through the papers on the desk.

"Yes I was told we were getting two transfers this semester hold on a minute dearie." She continued looking until she pulled out two booklets, class schedules and maps of the campus. "Here you go dears, you both have the same timetables. You have classes in each of the buildings that I highlighted on the maps; World History, AP English Lit, American Government, AP Calculus, Spanish, Biology and Study Hall. If you need anything just let me know, I'm Mrs Taylor. Each teacher has an attendance sheet you need to sign when you get to the class, make sure you do that by the end of the week so that you are entered on the roll. Here's you're parking pass and your ID, just drop by the office to get your photo taken and we'll get you a permanent one. Any questions yet?"

"No ma'am." Said Tanya smiling at the older lady sitting before us.

"Thanks" we walked out of the office to find the halls filled with people. "She talks fast."

"For a human." We laughed together and walked down the hallway.

No one stopped us on our way to roll call, it was almost as if people knew to shy away from us. The occasional guy would work up the courage to wink at us and I fought to keep a straight face as I raised my eyebrow at them. Who did they think they were? God's gift to women or something?

We walked into roll call to find a stern looking female perched at the front desk and a few students that had already made it to the room.

We walked up to her and she turned only her eyes to look at us before turning her head and rolling her eyes. "What?" she said in a particularly nasal voice.

"Um, Mrs Taylor said that there was an attendance sheet we needed to sign. I'm Tanya Schipp and this is Bella Swan."

She picked up a piece of paper that was under the attendance roll and told us both to sign next to our names. We then made our way to one of the seats in the back of the classroom and started talking.

"I swear to God if the guy in the second row doesn't stop staring at us I might just have to grab a pen and poke out his eyes." Tanya sounded completely serious but I could see the humour in her expression.

"How do you do this so many times? Isn't once enough?" I was honestly confused as to why she would willingly want to come back to school again and again.

"This is where it all begins, this is where people learn what they need for their lives. If I was changed when I was older I would have been a teacher, but I settle for returning to school every couple of years. You can see people grow and it begins to reaffirm your belief in humanity because sometimes it's hard for us to understand why people act in certain ways. But when you start at the roots like this, it gives you something to hope for."

Her reasoning ran so deep and I couldn't help but feel insignificant as I sat next to her.

"It'll be so much fun with you, you're a senior school virgin, great huh?"

"If you say so." I shook my head and laughed to quietly for any human to hear. Several of the student's heads were already turned in our direction and as the bell signalled the beginning of first period we made our way to World History. As we walked into the classroom I spied a tall weedy man flipping through books in the back of the classroom. The class filed in and he shut the book with a bang earning the attention of the class.

"First day, first hour, first class and first assignment. I've made pairs for each of you, and the two new additions to our school will be paired together as I had not expected you when I made the lists. There will be no changing partners, no extensions and no complaints. You have ample time to meet the requirements, make sure you do." His voice was surprisingly commanding as he addressed the class in this short manner.

As the lesson continued we discovered that Mr Ayton, had a great sense of humour. After passing out our yearly assessment his demeanour changed rapidly and he readily joked with the class when it was appropriate. There wasn't much work being done during the lesson and halfway through he gave up and declared the rest of the period off and let the class talk about their summers.

Tanya and I sat chatting, not really bothered by the conversations that were going on around us. People were talking about their families and their holidays each person trying to outdo the next with their recounts. We blocked out the conversations with our own plans to take a weekend trip when we could get away. As the lesson continued several of the conversations turned to us, people were speculating about our origins and several of the groups of boys were encouraging each other to be the first to come talk to us. I looked at Tanya who gave me a half smile as a tall, tanned boy stood to approach us.

"Don't talk much." Tanya said under her breath and I rolled my eyes. She loved playing these games, they obviously made her school experiences more enjoyable.

He walked to us and I could see a slight arrogance to his gait he walked over and his light brown eyes lit up with the smirk he had on his face.

"Hi I'm Daniel. You been here long."

"Nope." I just let Tanya respond, she could have her fun.

"Where did you come from?"

"Alaska." She was being a smart arse and his friends were snickering as they watched her answer him.

"Are you enjoying your time here?"

"Just dandy."

"What classes are you doing?" his tone was beginning to sound annoyed as he conversed with a still smiling Tanya, only now her smile had a challenge in it that I wouldn't want to match.

"Whatever ones they offer." Daniel's friends were almost rolling around on the floor with laughter as Daniel's face began to turn purple. He turned to me as if hoping to find a better result.

"What's your story beautiful?" My forehead creased; did he really think lines like that worked?

"Uh uh." I turned to Tanya and apparently Daniel sensed the conversation was over, he got up and walked back to his friends with his head down.

"Bye Daniel." We called innocently to his retreating figure he didn't look back.

"Oh apparently we weren't interesting enough for him." I said and Tanya and I cracked up laughing.

I missed having the Masens with me at school, Tanya was a great companion and I was happy that she decided to join me, but I missed the contact I had with them, Edward and Emmett knew me inside out and back to front, every move was anticipated and it was comforting to think that they would know me so well.

The day continued with whispers and rumours beginning to spread about us, by lunch we already had a great host of rumours that gained us both enemies and fans from our fellow classmates.

Finally the day ended; and unlike my human life I didn't forget the information that I deemed insignificant, all of it burned brightly in my brain every sound I heard was still recorded.

Tanya went straight home, having sped out of the car park before anyone else. We ran up to front door of the house only to smell a human inside. I rolled my eyes; Carlisle had probably invited one of his friends to the house again. Hasn't he tested me enough yet?

"Oooh a guest goody." Tanya was almost jumping up and down on the front porch. We walked slowly into the house and the closer I got to the scent, the more familiar it seemed to be. As I rounded the corner of the living room I saw Carlisle and Esme sitting comfortably in the same armchair talking to a man that had his back to me. The mop of hair on his head identified him immediately.

"Edward? What are you doing here?"

He turned slowly and shock registered on his face. Oh crap I forgot how much I had changed. Edward's face was beautiful his eyes looked bright and slightly darker as he took in my new appearance, his square jaw had tightened and I couldn't help but smirk a little that I had caused that expression on his face.

"Edward?" he blinked his eyes a few times and stood to greet Tanya and I.

"Bella, you look beautiful." His hand lingered as he shook my hand. "Wow your hands are freezing."

I ripped my hand from his, "I'm sorry, it's really cold outside here."

"You must be Tanya?" he asked as he turned to shake Tanya's hand. His eyes kept darting mover to me as he made polite conversation with Tanya.

"Seriously Edward, what are you doing here?" his expression saddened as he looked into my eyes.

"May we go somewhere to talk Bella?" Everyone would hear regardless of where we went, but if it made him more comfortable I would leave the room with him. He wouldn't know that three sets of ears would be listening whether we left or not.

I nodded and walked out of the room, he followed closely behind me to my bedroom and I closed the door and turned on my computer before I sat in the chair and spun to see Edward standing awkwardly by the door.

"Are you going to sit?" he made his way to the bed and sat stiffly on the end of the bed about a metre from where I sat.

"You look so different Bella, almost paler than you were."

"Tanya had fun with the makeover." I tried to sound indifferent; and to be honest I wasn't angry with him for what he said, he was entitled to his opinion.

"You looked beautiful before Bells, you didn't need it." He whispered it just loud enough that a human would strain to hear him, but to me every word rang clearly.

"Thankyou. You still didn't answer my question."

"I'm sorry Bella."

"That's okay you can tell me now."

"That's not it, I'm sorry about everything. I'm so sorry Bella, I honestly didn't mean anything I said. I was so worried when I heard you crash, I can't lose you Bella, I don't know what I would do with myself if I did. I'm so sorry." He didn't mean what he said? In my memory he held so much conviction in his words, but in front of me now Edward seemed so sincere.

"Edward it's okay." Carlisle was right, the sting I used to feel at a mere thought of Edward had begun to numb since the change.

"Bella, please can we just try and get back to the way things were? I need my friend back." I felt touched that he would come all this way just to apologise.

I smiled to myself. Maybe Edward did miss me this summer, since we were young we had never gone this long without seeing each other, let alone not speaking with each other in over a month.

"That still doesn't answer my question, you're getting awfully sidetracked today aren't you Masen?"

He looked at me sheepishly, "I didn't want to go to school."

"You love school, why would you put yourself behind my coming to visit me?"

I could feel Edward building up the courage to say something to me and I gave him an encouraging smile wanting him to continue.

"I didn't want to go to school… without you." He wouldn't look at me after he said that and I gave him a few minutes to think before I spoke again.

"You do know that you have to go to school when you get back anyway."

"Mhmm." My phone rang and I picked it up not bothering to look at the caller ID, I knew Jake was meant to ring about now.

"Sorry Edward, I just need to get this." He nodded and told me to go ahead, "Hey."

"You sound happy."

"You get that some days."

"So school wasn't horrible?"

"Meh, it wasn't too bad. "How'd your first day go?"

"Can't complain, oi did I tell you about Carly?"

"You've found a woman to replace me? Jake I'm insulted." I saw Edward visibly flinch and I gave him a quizzical look. He tried to play it off and waved his hand at me. 'This isn't over.' I mouthed at him and he pouted at me.

"No, she won't even look at me, apparently I look like a jerk."

"Just looks like?"

"Ha-ha, nice to know that you've got my back."

"Anytime. Hey is it okay if I call you back later, Edward's here."

"Edward I thought you two were…"

"We were."

"And now?"

"I guess we're not."

"Good, I could tell you missed him." The statement made me smile and I said goodbye.

I turned to look back at Edward and he gave me an uncomfortable smile. Hadn't we just been getting along only moments before? What happened in the last two minutes that made him change.

"So Jake?"

"Yeah my cousin, he wanted to meet you when he visited just before break, but uh… I couldn't find you." Edward's eyes were bugging from his head as I spoke.

"Cousin?"

"Uhuh I usually go to Phoenix to visit him remember?"

"Oh… yeah. Do you have a picture of him?"

"Uh Yeah bedside table." I turned to the computer to check my e-mails.

"Oh." I turned around to see Edward looking sadly at the photograph of Jake and I. I had just tackled him and Renee quickly snapped a photo of us fallen down in the grass. "Cousin." He breathed and I was sure he never meant me to hear him.

"Are you okay?" he just stared at the picture. "Edward what's wrong?"

"It's nothing."

"Don't give me that, come on you can tell me."

"No I'm fine Bella, more than fine actually. Anyway, what do you want for dinner?"

"Dinner…? Um I'll go check with Esme, hold on."

I ran at human speed out of the room and down into the living room. "Dinner?" I asked quietly earning the attention of the three vampires in the living room. "What am I supposed to say?"

"Take him to dinner Bella, just remember to cough it back up. It doesn't settle well." Said Carlisle smiling at my situation.

"Gross! Wait… you want me to go by myself?"

"He's not my friend, why would I swallow human food for him?" Tanya was baiting me, but I knew she was also being honest, why should I make all of them suffer?

"Fine, you all owe me for this." I ran back upstairs and walked into the room to see that Edward had finally made himself comfortable and spread out on the bed.

"Hey Bella." He was smiling at the ceiling as he greeted me and patted the spot next to him moving over so I would fit. The offer was incredibly tempting so I slid up next to him and lay my head on the pillow. I looked to my left and met his eyes. They sparkled and danced as I looked into them.

Edward turned onto his side facing me and reached his arm over and pulled at my hip to do the same. His skin was warm and comforting when it touched me, even through my clothes I could feel the warmth that flowed through Edward's body. He started to play with my hair pulling it behind my ears and running his fingers through the long strands. He had never done this before, when we used to lay together we would always stay on our backs and throw conversation at each other; one easily keeping up with the other.

"I missed you Bella." He whispered as his hand grazed my cheek, he shivered and I knew he could feel how cold I was. His eyes were boring into my skull as he stared at me and I was fighting to try and break his gaze.

"I missed you too."

"You really do look beautiful Bella, you always have." I smiled and look downwards, even though I couldn't blush anymore, it didn't mean that I wasn't able to show my embarrassment in other ways. He took my hand in his and used his other hand to draw my chin up.

He looked down scowling at our intertwined hands.

"Bella, you need a hot bath, it's not good for your body to stay this cold." He got up from the bed and made his way to the door, "You get your clothes and I'll draw you a bath before dinner; what are we doing anyway."

"Um Esme said it might be nice to go out to dinner if you want? How long are you staying?"

"Yeah that's fine. My flight's tomorrow morning, so I'll be gone by the time you return from school." He walked out of the room and in the direction of the bathroom.

"Oh, okay." I was disappointed that Edward couldn't stay longer, but I knew he needed to get back to school and I'm sure he missed his family.

Dinner went by peacefully, we joked and laughed at a local restaurant, the conversation was light, mostly discussing the things I had missed when I had moved with Carlisle and Esme; and he asked about Tanya and Canada. When we made it home Edward fell asleep on my bed as we talked, he was wrapped in the blanket and I lay next to him. Somehow Edward had managed to make it into the middle of the queen sized bed moving closer to me as he slept.

His face was so peaceful as he lay with a slight smile on his face. I couldn't stop studying his face. How it had changed from the face I knew as a little girl. There was a scar on his forehead from the time I had fallen off the pyramid on the playground and he had tried to catch me only to fall over himself when I had landed on him. I smiled as I traced the scar with my finger, he sighed as my cool skin moved over his and I felt my chest tug. My desire for Edward had carried over and I could feel myself falling even more deeply in love with the man sleeping next to me.

When he woke hours later I let him get ready while I made him breakfast and changed into Tanya's outfit for me. The morning was rushed getting ready for school at human pace had caused us to run late and I was rushing out the door when Edward called me back.

"Are you going to answer my calls now?" He said smirking at me with a tired look on his face.

"Depends what you're calling for."

"Do I need a reason?"

"It always helps don't you think?" he laughed and pulled me into a hug.

"I'll miss you Bells, I'll call you this afternoon okay?"

"If you must." Tanya honked the car in the driveway and I quickly turned back to Edward, "I've got to go. Talk to you soon." I leant in for a hug, wishing to be wrapped up in his arms one more time before he left. Instead Edward leaned his head down and kissed me softly before pulling back and smiling.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey guys

I am very sorry for how long it has taken me to update and i would especially like mto apologise to mandy if she is still out there reading. I finally got the kick in the butt I needed mto continue the story and I'd like to thank any of you that are still out there sticking with me. Sorry again and I promise the next update will take no where near as long. Hope you like this chapter.

xxx Kat

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Edward's POV

My mind was in bliss I had finally kissed Bella. It didn't feel like enough to me though, one kiss just wasn't enough. Her mouth looked so tempting as her fingers slid over her lips and I wanted to pull her into my arms and kiss her again but I couldn't; even this one kiss may have ruined our friendship.

Bella's eyes were shining a golden red and there seemed to be a distinct difference that had enhanced Bella's natural beauty. Somehow she seemed more confident and more poised as if she were more comfortable in her own skin.

"Bella, are you okay?" several minutes had passed since she had last spoken. How could people stand awkward silences like this? What is an appropriate thing to say to the girl you've wanted your entire life?

Had she blinked recently? I could vaguely hear Tanya in the background honking the horn of the car and yelling threats to Bella. I made my way over to the car leaving Bella to stare at the empty space I had left behind.

"What's the hold up pretty boy?" she said loudly through the passenger window.

"Would it be okay if Bella stayed behind today? I wanted to finish catching up with her before I leave."

"Catching up… Gotcha," She winked at me before she waved me off nodding, "Tell Bella she owes me."

I chuckled to myself, in the short conversation I had with Tanya over breakfast I had no problem believing that she would hold Bella to it.

I walked back up to Bella and noticed her hair was being blown about by the wind, looking at her like that made something inside me snap. I walked behind her slipping my arms around her waist and she unconsciously lent further into my body leaving very little space between us.

Her tiny body felt frozen in my arms, so I led her inside in an effort to get her to warm up.

"Bella, are you alright dear?" Esme asked slightly distressed when she saw the two of us walking back into the house.

"She's fine, we were just going to spend the morning together if it's alright with you?" My mind was begging for it to be alright so that I could spend more time with my Bella.

"Of course dear, I'm sure Bella will be able to catch up on anything she misses. I'll call Tanya to get her class assignments for her."

"Thank you, Esme."

"No problem dear, you two just go into the living room and enjoy yourselves whilst I make you some tea." Her eyes were alight with joy as she watched me lead Bella by the hand into the living room.

I sat her down in an armchair and knelt down in front of her.

"Bella, I'm going to need you to say something." Insecurity was starting to creep up on me and suddenly I was extremely nervous that Bella was horrified at what had happened earlier. When still she said nothing I lightly shook her knees, "Bella please," My hand unconsciously made its way to her cheek and my heart leapt and she sighed leaning her head into my hand.

"Edward." She breathed out my name and her eyes focused on mine. "You…?"

"Yeah," My brilliant response came out as almost a whisper.

"You hated me yesterday."

Of course she still didn't believe me, it had taken me an entire summer to come and apologise to her. What was she supposed to think?

"I never hated you Bella, far from it."

"You could have fooled me." At this my heart sunk, she really knew just where to poke.

Bella's POV

Edward kissed me? Me, Bella Swan? My brain was in autopilot and I could hear words coming from my mouth before I even knew what I was saying.

"Bella how many times do I have to tell you that I never meant any of those things?" Edward seemed almost angry at the turn the conversation had taken. Were we arguing? I vaguely recalled saying something about hating each other.

"I know but…"

"…But what?" he grabbed my hands looking desperately into my eyes trying to make me understand, but my brain wouldn't register anything but the contact of our skin and the way his eyes sparkled with passion as he spoke to me.

"Do you trust me Bella? After years of being friends and knowing that I adore you are you really willing to let one fight destroy all that?"

"You make it sound like we were a couple." I heard Edward's pulse quicken at this statement and I couldn't hold back the look of questioning that crossed my features.

"I just... I want you to finally understand." He was begging for me to understand, but what? Somehow it felt like he wanted more than forgiveness. Before I realised what had happened Edward was across the room sitting on the opposite couch shaking his head.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything?" I asked hoping that he wouldn't request any food because I didn't want to spend the hours after he left coughing it back up again.

"No… Do you want to watch a movie or something?"

"Um sure take you pick." I pointed to the cupboard holding Esme and Carlisle's DVDs before I excused myself to go to the kitchen.

"Tea's on the bench hunny." Esme said looking up from the paper.

"Thanks."

"From that tone I assume your morning isn't going well." She said offhandedly as she neatly folded the paper and put it on the table in front of her.

"Could be better, besides the fact that I know you could hear the whole thing anyway."

"That's not the point. Although I've never heard a boys heart beat as fast as when you two were standing out in the porch."

I couldn't help the smile that crept onto my face. "Yeah well I don't seem to be getting the point today." I said ignoring her comment about Edward. Esme smiled knowingly at this and all I could do was glare in return, why did she always seem like she was all knowing.

"Trust me Bella you'll realise eventually."

"Not soon enough obviously. You wouldn't just tell me would you?" I asked already knowing the answer would be no.

"It will be so much better when you realise on your own dear."

"Gee thanks." I made my way to the living room ignoring Esme's chuckles only to find Edward spread out on the couch opposite the television watching the main menu.

"Having fun?" he nodded and I could tell our previous conversation was still getting to him. "You know I need a seat right?"

He opened his arms and I felt as if I would faint if I could. Could I really be that close to Edward? Sure we had always lain on the couch together to watch movies before, but somehow this time it felt more intimate than it had before.

I cautiously made my way over to the couch and sat on the side that held Edward's legs. I faced the television refusing to meet Edward's searching gaze.

"What are you doing?"

"Watching the movie."

"I haven't turned it on yet Bella." He sighed and sat up to pull me down on the couch. "Now you can watch the movie," he said as he clicked the play button and dropped the remote on the ground.

My body felt like it was on fire next to Edward's warmth and as his arms snaked around my waist I felt almost human again. The action seemed so natural as if this was where I needed to be.

After a moment I felt Edward's breath on my ear. "Do you need a blanket, you're freezing." He said as he lifted the throw rug from the back of the lounge. He tucked it tightly around us and I couldn't help the urge to snuggle a little closer into his arms.

"Thank you." I whispered only to have him hug me briefly in response.

As we lay watching the movie Edward's hands slowly began to move up and down my side. When his hands touched my exposed skin I felt as if I would faint from the shock going through me.

My mind wouldn't let me focus on the movie, all I could think of was the warmth that Edward's body gave off as he lay behind me with his arms wrapped around my waist. Half an hour into the movie I couldn't take it anymore. The close proximity was making me thirsty; I needed to get away from Edward before I snapped.

I started to move off the couch, "Where do you think you're going?" I turned my head and saw his face scrunched up in confusion.

"Uh… I was just going to sit on the ground." As his arms wove more tightly around my body I could have sworn a look of hurt crossed his face. "I must be making you uncomfortable."

"Not at all, but if you want to sit there don't let me stop you." His tone was resentful and his arms slackened around me giving me the option to leave if I wished. I turned in his arms to look at him. Defeat and hurt were making themselves known on his features and I couldn't help but snuggle in closer to his arms, no longer watching the movie I just lay there with Edward until he whispered my name into my ear. His scent was intoxicating and my mouth was placed dangerously close to his neck, I could feel my teeth beginning to drop and it was taking everything I had to try and keep any control I had left.

"Bella?" I heard Edward say as if he were talking through a wall of glass. His voice was as tempting as his blood and it made me want him even more than I already did. "Bella, you're not breathing. Are you conscious? Bella?"

"Edward! Give her some space." Esme's voice cut through my consciousness like a knife.

"What? Is she okay?"

Even though I wasn't breathing Edward's scent was seeping through my pores and my teeth were millimetres away from piercing his neck.

"Bella? Maybe you should go out the back and get some fresh air." I felt a tug on my arm and all of a sudden I was pushed out the back door, "Edward and I will get some lunch while you try and feel better. Carlisle should be out at the shed, go find him... now" Esme's voice had an edge to it that would not be refused even in the haze I was experiencing. "Bella I know you love him, he's your best friend and as his best friend the best thing you can do right this second is go and hunt. Go Bella, run. Run and don't look back until its safe."

As soon as the door had closed I ran toward the forest as fast as I could and quickly caught the scent of a pack of deer only a couple of kilometres into the thick of the woods.

After having my fill of blood and then some I slowly regained my composure and began to walk towards the house. Perhaps Edward had already left for the airport and I would only have to explain myself over the phone.

"Bella?" I whirled around and behind me stood Carlisle with an amused expression on his face.

"Have you been here the whole time?" I asked, confused as to how much of the scene he had witnessed.

"Did you really think I would leave before you had gained back your wits?"

"What am I supposed to say to him?"

"Nothing really happened that would expose us, you just needed some space." That was at least true; I really did need some space to figure out what had happened on the front porch. "When you're ready you could just come inside."

"Wait Carlisle." I needed someone to talk to and here was a prime situation. He turned around with a look of compassion on his face; he must think I wanted to talk about what had just happened. What was I going to say, I didn't even know what I wanted to ask.

"Weren't you meant to be at school today?" he looked amused and I knew he was just teasing.

"Weren't you meant to be at work today?" I joked still trying to broach the subject.

"So what made you want Edward's blood? You never had a problem with humans before, even on your first day as one of us, you resisted Geoffrey's blood quite easily." Had I really lusted after Edward's blood that badly, I had been around him all night and had not been tempted to feed off him, why did I all of a sudden have the urge to sink my teeth into him?

"I... um I don't really know. I was already really thirsty; I probably should have kept that under better control. I'm very sorry Carlisle."

"Bella, its okay, we all make mistakes, but you have to make sure that you feed frequently, you're still only young."

"Okay, I'll do that. Are you ready to go back inside?"Carlisle simply turned towards the house at my question and began walking back chatting quietly about the upcoming trip we were making to Toronto.

As we approached the house I could hear Edward's heart beating rapidly from inside the house and could overhear him and Esme talking inside. I stopped suddenly not knowing what I was going to say to Edward once I walked back into the house; all that I did know was that either he had to go or I did, but either way there would not be another near miss like this again.

I took an unneeded breath and walked as confidently as I could into the house. "Bella? Bella, are you alright? I was so worried and then Esme told me that you had been feeling sick lately, I never would have kept you up so late if I had known, I'm so sorry."

"Please don't worry Edward, I'm fine, no harm done." I wasn't really sure what Esme had told him so I tried to steer clear of any solid facts for the time being.

"Maybe I should stay a while to make sure you get better."

"No Edward you need to go back, school starts soon and your family will be expecting you tonight." His face looked dejected as the sentence came from my mouth but it had to be this way. He couldn't stay; I had to make sure that Edward was safe, which meant that he had to be a long way from wherever I was.

"But Bella..."

"No Edward, you have a plane to catch you should go and gather your things." Without another word Edward simply shook his head and made his way from the kitchen. I turned to see two curious faces of Carlisle and Esme staring at me. "He has a plane to catch." I said quietly, not fooling either of them.

"You didn't have to do that Bella, he could have stayed, he's welcome to." Said Esme the expression on her face hurt to look at, it was filled with concern and compassion; but for whom?

"He needs to go, I obviously can't be around him. I refuse to endanger the people I love."

"You're not endangering anyone Bella; it was simply a slip in judgement, next time you will be better prepared. Edward wants to stay and you still have many years before you would have to say goodbye permanently. You can't punish yourself this way Bella; this doesn't only affect you, Edward gets hurt in this as wel." Carlisle said trying to change my mind.

"You don't want me here anymore Bella?" I whirled around at the sound of Edward's voice. It was cold and his eyes bore into mine with the most intensity I had ever come across. Words wouldn't come out of my mouth as I absorbed the look he was giving me, a relentless glower that said more than words ever could. I had hurt him. "I'll be gone as soon as a cab arrives, in the meantime I'll wait outside."

"Edward, no honey, wait inside where it is warm." Esme said putting an arm around him and steering him into the living room.

I felt Carlisle sidle up next to me, "Go talk to him, I know that this is killing you Bella."

"What am I supposed to say?" My heart was trying to pull me into the room when I heard the sound of Edward's sighs.

"Why not try the truth?"

"About what?"

"Everything?"

"He'd think I'm insane."

"He'd know better."

"I'm not allowed."

"There are extenuating circumstances," I was at a loss, could I really tell him the truth about everything? "Go on Bella," Carlisle said as he gave me a gentle push towards the door. I started walking slowly trying to plan in my head.

"And Bella?" I turned, "I'm not just talking about your condition," His mouth quirked up at the term he had used. "Maybe it really is time you told him _everything_."

"He'd think I'm insane." I said again trying to convey my earlier point.

"He'd know better." Carlisle said with a small encouraging smile on his face.

Tell the truth? As I walked towards Edward my mind couldn't stop racing through the possibilities the truth might bring. Esme walked back through the door as I approached it and looked at me with a gleam in her eye.

"Go get him Bella." She said not loud enough for Edward to hear. I kept walking forward knowing that if I stopped now I would never walk into that room. I saw Edward slumped in the armchair of the living room, he stared at the blank television with an upset look on his face.

"Edward?" His head snapped up as I spoke and he looked nervous.

"I'm sorry Bella, I'll be gone once Esme calls the taxi." He said before resuming staring at the television.

"Don't be silly Edward, you should stay."

"No Bella, you made it quite clear that you didn't want me here and I..."

"Will you hear me out." I said cutting Edward off, "I don't _want_ you to leave, but it would be better... for you, if you did." He began to talk again but I started before he could manage a word, "I meant it when I said I forgave you Edward, I really did, but I've changed since I left."

"So I should leave?"

"No Edward, it's not that, Carlisle and Esme said that you're welcome to stay." I said remembering that Carlisle and Esme had offered previously.

"And you?" I didn't know how to answer that question and as time passed Edward got impatient, "It's a simple question Bella, do you _want_ me to stay?" He was still staring straight ahead at this point as he waited for my response.

My gaze searched the room for some semblance of an answer even as a heard Edward moving across the room I was still scouring every detail of the room trying to look for the right thing to say to him.

"Bella?" All of my senses could feel him standing close behind me and as I turned at a human speed and by the time I was facing me his hands were resting on my hips pulling me closer to him. "Do you want me to stay?" he whispered to me, his eyes implored me to answer.

"I..." I was stumbling over my next words when Edward interrupted.

"Don't say you don't know Bella. You do know, I know that you do. Just say it, please just say it." I was breathing rapidly and I felt like my head was spinning. Did Edward know how I had felt about him? Did the kiss this morning mean that he felt the same for me?

"Of course I want you to stay." I said so quietly that I wasn't sure he had heard me until his arms wrapped around me and he pulled me closer than he had ever held me. I was still taking shallow breaths but the longer he held me the more my breathing evened out and I was finally able to register his scent it was strong and spicy and I found that I could tolerate it after such an extensive hunt less than half an hour ago.

Edward was also taking deep breaths and his hands were running up and down my back both calming me and making finding some physical contact between us. "Bella you're still freezing are you okay?" He had just given me a great opportunity to try and get out a big part of my new life. Would he run away screaming once he knew?

"I'm fine Edward I always feel this cold." His eyes widened when I said this and concern flickered in them.

"Bella, that's not normal, you should have Carlisle check and make sure you're okay."

"Have you ever noticed that Carlisle is very cold as well? And Esme too? Even Tanya when you shook her hand yesterday." I finally looked at the clock it was already closing in on two o'clock. "Didn't your flight leave this morning?"

Edward looked embarrassed at this statement, "Yeah, I may have missed my flight."

"Edward, why? You know that you have school tomorrow."

"I wanted to stay here with you." I lead him over to the couch and waited until he had settled before coming back to the previous conversation.

"We'll talk about that in a moment, but back to what I was saying. Edward, you need to know something..." I stopped not knowing how to approach the next topic.

I was thinking when Edward leant over and put his hands over mine. "It's okay, you can just say it."

I took a deep breath before beginning, "I would have died in the accident I when I left Edward." He was going to say something but I couldn't stop now that I had started. "I would have died, but Carlisle and Esme found me and well they are... different. I'm different Edward, you can tell, you've already commented on some changes. I'm paler, my hair is lighter, my eyes are a different colour; but these are just outward changes. I... um I'm a vampire." I blurted it out before I could stop myself.

Edward just stared, as if trying to gauge whether or not I was telling the truth. "A vampire? Like a bloodsucking, sun hating, soulless undead?"

A what? Did Edward really think that? "You think I'm a monster?" I couldn't help it I started sobbing and I could hear Esme comforting me from the kitchen Carlisle was trying to help but he wanted me to finish talking to Edward before they came in. My head was in my hands and I couldn't look up when I heard him shift towards me.

"Bella?" He said as I felt his hand begin to rub small circles into my back. I flinched away from him and crossed the room faster than he was able to see.

"Don't touch me. You think I'm a monster? Then run, go catch your plane and never come back." I waited for him to stand but he didn't head towards the door as I had expected of him. "Just get out Edward, you can judge me all you like but just leave." All he did was stare and I wasn't sure what the dominant emotion was; anger, hurt or disappointment. "I'm still the same Bella I was, my diet has changed and I'm a bit more indestructible than I was before but I'm the same. I feel the same things and I still see the world as I did before, it's all just a bit clearer. You stand there and call me a monster when you haven't even taken a moment to take any of this in. So just leave Edward. If you're struggling to remember what the door is it the big cedar thing that you walked through to get into the house."

"What Edward? Too scared to say something?"Still he just stood there and stared another moment, before he began to walk forward and stopped in front of me. "You're going the wrong way." I said not bothering to hold back the edge to my voice.

Edward stepped still closer until he was close enough to put his hands on my hips and pull me forward. My anger started to ebb and I could hear his heart beating faster than before. "I thought you were scared?" I asked trying to keep the indifference in my voice; it wasn't hard with all the fighting we had done up until this weekend.

"I am, but not of your new life." He said as he leaned in to kiss me for the second time today. My head was spinning and I felt like I was floating, Edward was kissing me; it took me a few moments to realise that I wasn't responding and when I did I felt his heartbeat increase further along with his breathing. He slowly began to ease his tongue back and forth against my bottom lip and I opened my lips allowing our tongues to begin a dance that I didn't care to stop until, he pulled back with the need to breathe.

"Then what are you afraid of?" I asked hoping that I wouldn't want to throw him through the wall after his next answer.

"You." He answered simply, offering no other explanation.

"But you just said..." I started knowing that our conversation would likely become an argument.

"I'm not scared of that Bella, you've always been a little different. But I'm scared that you won't want me." He said pulling me as close to him as he possibly could. I heard Esme's awe from the kitchen and Carlisle's resulting chuckle.

"You're an idiot." I said playfully before leaning up and kissing him again this time, with more fervour than before and he responded the same, his kiss was more demanding and heated until we were interrupted by a voice from the door.

"I thought you would be gone by now lover boy. Oh and don't get too close, she bites." Tanya said as she strolled through the front door and headed towards a laughing Carlisle and Esme; regaling them about the atrocities of her school day.

Turning back to Edward I ducked my head trying not to meet his eyes. "I will miss you turning a brilliant shade of red every time anything happens." He said placing his hand on my cheek and smiling at me.

"You don't think I'm a monster?" I asked still scared of the response I was going to receive.

"I'm sorry I said that Bella, it was just shocking news, I mean my best friend and I fought she moved away and changed species? It's hardly the course for rational thinking. I was just pulling all my assumptions out trying to come up with a plausible situation. Now that I think about it; you being a monster was never going to be plausible at all." I started to say something but he put a finger to my lips and continued. "I'm sorry that it hurt you and I'm sorry for this summer, I wasn't a good friend and I should have been there for you. But I was just so mad about Jake and then your parents died and I couldn't bring myself to beg for your forgiveness at that time. You then left and moved to New York which I now assume wasn't New York at all; and then to top it off you're a vampire. It's a lot to take in for a guy Bella."

""Why would you be mad about Jake?" I asked, not really considering the rest of his speech yet.

"That's what you took from that?" He asked with a look that told me he had let something slip.

"Yep, now what was that about Jake?" I asked again giving him a glare that said I wasn't relenting.

"When he came to visit before the summer, I um... saw you two together. You were hugging and I just assumed that you were together. It made me so mad and I didn't mean to start a fight with you but I was so hurt and I... I dunno I didn't want anyone else touching you. But then I found out that he is your cousin, the one that you visit all the time and it all seems so stupid now. Well at least I feel stupid now." He said as he pulled me as tight as he could to his chest. I felt him take a deep breath before beginning again, "I want to be with you Bella; I've always had feelings for you and it drove me crazy to think that you were wit someone else. I'm here, if you'll have me."

"You should know that I feel the same way for you Edward, but you still need to know more about my life." We sat down together on the couch and told him all about my new life, how hard it was and how I wasn't ready to move back to America just yet. By the time Edward and I were done, it was late afternoon and he was resting quietly on the couch. Esme poked her head around the doorway and smiled at me.

"So you told him; how do you feel now?" she whispered coming over and sitting on the arm of the couch.

"He wants me." I stated simply still trying to let the afternoon sink in.

"Of course he does sweetie, he always has you two were just too blind to see that the other one felt the same way."

"Maybe I was a bit too scared to tell him," I admitted snuggling a bit closer into Edward as he slept. "And he was very convincing." I said with a smile upon my face and a small chuckle along with Esme's.

"What's he going to do now? He missed his flight, you should probably have him call his parents. Wake him up, he needs dinner anyway." She said as she walked out of the room.

I turned around in Edward's arms and looked at him, he was so peaceful it was a shame to wake him. I ran my finger through his hair and it was like my fingers passed through silk strands, "Edward." I whispered quietly to him, before I realised that he probably couldn't hear me. "I spoke just loud enough for human ears to hear and called his name again. He stirred and scrunched up his nose and I couldn't help but laugh at this reaction. His brows came together at the sound and he opened his eyes with a wide grin covering his features. "Time to get up sleepyhead." I whispered to him before kissing his cheek.

"Nice way to wake up though." He said still grinning at me.

"You hungry?"

"I could eat, should I order something in? At least then you don't have to sit at the restaurant waiting for me."

"Sounds good, give your parents a call afterward okay?"

I began to get up from the couch, but a slight pressure on my waist told me that Edward was trying to pull me back down. I obliged landing as lightly as possible in Edward's lap, "Where do you think you're going love?"

"Um to give you some privacy?" I bit my bottom lip and noticed his eyes lock on my lips as he licked his own.

"Why we're already alone?"

"That's not what I meant." I said still smiling from moments before.

"Well it should be." He said drawing me closer to him, at the last moment before his lips touched mine I put up my hand and moved quickly around the room gathering the phone and the phonebook for Edward to make his calls. He was pouting at me by the time I returned back to his side to hand him the phone.

"Maybe if you give your parents a call we'll work on that other thing okay?"

"Fine," he said flipping through the pages of the phone book trying to decide on what he would want to eat, "but I'm holding you to that Bells."

"Yeah yeah." I walked quietly up the stairs smiling about how my week had significantly improved.


End file.
